


Your own Shadows turn into Ghosts

by silvermoongirl10



Series: Stand Together [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AU Battle Of Five Armies, Brothers, Caring Fíli, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Survivor Guilt, Upset Kili
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermoongirl10/pseuds/silvermoongirl10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU of The Battle of the Five Armies. The Healers are not hopeful that Kili will survive his wounds, but Fili knows his little brother is strong, and will not leave him behind. But Kili's survivor's guilt threatens to take Fili's brother from him and Fili must help Kili see that he has nothing to feel guilty for and give Kili a reason to live.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first Hobbit fic so apologizes if the characters seem out of character. The title came from a line in Gabrielle Aplin’s song ‘Ghosts’ because it made me think of Fili and Kili. It may take a while for me to update this because University does not allow me a lot of time to write. I hope you enjoy this.

Fili looked frantically around him. The Battle had ended and to Fili’s despair he had lost sight of Kili. Thorin had been badly wounded and though Fili was loathe to admit it, it did not look as if Thorin would survive much longer. Fili himself was hurt, but it was not serious, he had only sprained his left ankle and received a cut on the right side of his head. Which had ended up spreading blood down the side of his face. He still remembered Kili’s frantic yell as he had watched as Fili had fallen after the blow to his head. And that had been the last he and seen or heard of his little brother. As he clambered over a huge pile of dead Orcs and Goblins he noticed they had all received killing blows by very familiar arrows. Fili smiled proudly seeing the sheer number of the enemy Kili and managed to cut down on his own, but Fili’s smile quickly faded. Kili should have been stood on top of the pile gloating to Fili, saying how he had just proven a few of the Dwarves back home wrong. He had proved to them he deserved his place in the company. And most importantly how his bow and arrows were not just Elven weapons.

But Kili was not gloating. He was not grinning broadly. He was not stood tall and proud. He was not worrying over Fili’s limp and cut. He was nowhere in sight.

“Kili!” yelled Fili as he stumbled on, his eyes darting across the blood stained ground searching desperately for any sign of his brother.

As Fili moved away from the dead Orcs and Goblins that had been slain by Kili he headed in the direction he thought Kili would have been standing. His foot collided with something, Fili was about to ignore whatever his foot had moved away when his eyes rested on a bow. A bow that had been given to Kili on his 30th birthday. He bent down and with a shaky hand Fili reached out and grasped the bow. He stood with the bow rested on both his hands. In the 47 years Kili had the bow and despite how well he had taken care of it, it had gained the dents and scratches Fili’s fingers were ghosting over. Thorin, over the years, had offered to buy Kili a new bow, but every time he offered Kili refused. The bow was Kili’s most prized procession and never let it out of his sight, so Fili knew Kili couldn’t be very far away. He turned around in a tight circle, the bow gripped tightly in his grasp. That was when Fili saw his brother. The sight of his beloved baby brother lying sprawled in the dirt and blood, pale and unmoving pierced with an arrow to his lower chest, made Fili’s heart clench and almost break. Because his brother looked as if death had already taken him.

He ran the short distance to his brother, hoping and praying Kili was still alive. Fili skidded to a halt kneeling beside Kili ignoring the twinge in his ankle. Carefully moving around the arrow that had struck Kili, Fili rested his head above Kili’s heart. He breathed a sigh of relief to hear it beating, but it was slow, Fili knew if he did not get help soon then Kili would die.

Fili looked at his brother searching for other injuries and winced seeing his little brother’s face smeared with dirt, bruises and blood (he was relieved that not all the blood was Kili’s own). Then when he looked closer Fili could see that Kili’s right hand was injured, it looked as if someone had stomped on it. Fili choked back tears seeing two of Kili’s fingers bent in unnatural angles, also the dark bruises that covered the hand which was a contrast to the bright red of the blood slowly seeping from cuts.

“Kili can you hear me?” asked Fili as he desperately clutched Kili’s uninjured hand. Kili made no response. “Kili please open your eyes!” Fili begged as he ran the fingers of his free hand through Kili’s matted hair. Kili’s chest continued to rise slowly, but now he began to wheeze. Fili looked around him and could see no one who could help.

With one hand still grasping onto Kili’s uninjured one and his other still running his fingers through Kili’s hair in a comforting way that he had done all through Kili’s life. He took a deep breath and shouted, “HELP! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP! ANYONE! _HELP_!” Fili continued to shout and scream until his throat became sore and voice became raspy. Then he realized, no one was close enough to hear him. No one was coming to help.

Fili looked back down at Kili, and for the first time noticed the blood that bled from the arrow wound. Frozen Fili watched as the blood flowed from the wound and trickled over Kili’s armour and landed on the ground, mixing and spreading with the blood already spilled. Fili slowly tore his gaze away from the trickling blood and pulled his eyes back up to Kili’s face. Kili’s stillness unnerved Fili, he halted the hand running through Kili’s hair and instead rested his hand on his brother’s forehead.

“Kili! Please Kili open your eyes! You can’t leave me! You _have_ to _stay_! I fear Uncle has already passed, and I _cannot_ lose you! _Please Kili_!” choked Fili as tears began to sting the backs of his eyes. Then tears slipped down his cheeks and landed on Kili’s face. With gentle hands Fili brushed the tears off of Kili’s face. Kili’s eyes then flickered open.

“Fi…li” rasped Kili as he blinked up at his older brother.

“Kili!” gasped Fili, he pulled himself closer to Kili’s head, “It’s alright brother. I’m here”

“You’re hurt” frowned Kili, ignoring the fiery pain in his chest as he looked up at Fili’s blood stained face.

“I’m fine” assured Fili, “It’s just a small scratch. You, above anyone else, should know cuts on the head bleed more compared to anywhere else”

“Was that an insult?” wheezed Kili as he gave Fili a small smile.

“Possibly” smiled Fili.

It was comforting teasing Kili and Kili responding, but it was bittersweet. Fili could hear Kili’s wheezing breaths and knew that was not a good sign. Fili frowned as Kili shifted around jolting his wound and noted Kili’s crestfallen expression.

“What’s wrong Kili?” asked Fili,

“My…bow…I lost…it…was knocked…over…and…an Orc stood…on my…hand…dropped my…bow…” panted Kili, his movement was not helping and Fili could see his brother was working himself into almost a panic.

“Easy brother” comforted Fili as he gently, but firmly, pushed Kili back to lying down.

“But…my…bow…”

“Shhh” soothed Fili, he removed a hand from Kili’s shoulder and held up the bow, “I have it, you do not need to worry”

Fili felt Kili relax, Kili tried to raise a hand to take the bow from Fili, but he could not lift his arm very much off the ground. So instead Fili, knowing what his brother wanted, placed the bow in Kili’s hand and closed Kili’s fingers around the bow.

“…Thank…you…” wheezed Kili. Before Fili could respond Kili began to cough, and to Fili’s horror blood began to slip from Kili’s lips and Kili’s eyes began to slip shut.

“No! Kili! Just because I gave you back your bow does not mean you get to fall unconscious! Now stay awake!” demanded Fili.

Between coughs Kili was able to slur, “M’tryin’…but m’tired”

“I don’t care!” growled Fili, “I’m not going to let you leave me! We made a promise as we set off on the Quest! We promised to never leave the other behind! And I have no intention of leaving just yet so you have to stay!”

Fili could see how, at the reminder of the promise, Kili valiantly tried to keep his eyes open. But Fili could see Kili’s strength was fading.

“…M’sorr’…” gasped Kili as his eyes closed and he went slack, the bow slipped from his hand.

“Kili!” screeched Fili.

Looking around there was still no one nearby, so Fili knowing his brother was fading away. Snapped the arrow that was embedded in his brother’s chest in half, he took Kili’s quiver off his brother and put the bow in it before slinging it over his own shoulders. Then he crouched and then slung an arm around Kili’s back and his other arm under Kili’s knees, he stood and quickly carried his precious brother across the battlefield towards the tents he could see near the gate into Erebor.

* * *

 

Fili was sat beside Kili, Oin had done all he could, but there was no certainty that Kili would live. Kili’s wound had already been serious, but the arrow that had wounded him had been dirty. So now Kili was fighting an infection. Fill looked down at his brother, Kili’s breaths were still wheezy and he still looked pale. He heard whisperings of healers saying Kili would be lucky to survive, but Fili stubbornly hung onto hope just as Kili was stubbornly hanging onto life. Fili reached out and took Kili’s uninjured hand in his own, he leaned over and rested his forehead against Kili’s, something they had done for as long as Fili could remember.

“You have to recover Kili. You just _have to_ ” murmured Fili. He leaned back in his chair and thought about Thorin. While Oin had been tending to Kili, Balin had found him and hastily took him to Thorin’s bedside. Fili knew then, he knew his Uncle was going to die. Fili felt tears stinging his eyes again when he thought back on his last moments with his Uncle.

_Fili warily approached the stretcher that was raised off the ground, part of him wanted to turn and run. He didn’t want to face his Uncle lying on the stretcher. His Uncle couldn’t be dying, he just couldn’t. But Fili still found himself stepping towards the chair at his Uncle’s beside. Seeing his approach Dwalin with one more look at his closest friend ushered everyone else out of the tent with his fierce glare, leaving Fili alone with his Uncle. As he passed, Dwalin patted Fili’s shoulder and Fili nodded in response._

_As Fili lowered himself into the chair he saw Thorin look him up and down. “You are hurt” stated Thorin seeing the bandage across Fili’s head and the bits of remaining dried blood on his face._

_Fili shook his head, “It was only a cut”_

_Thorin nodded, then looked over Fili’s shoulder expecting to see Fili’s ever present shadow. “Where is Kili?” frowned Thorin,_

_“Oin is with him” responded Fili, trying to keep his voice even._

_“Fili” warned Thorin, “What are you not telling me?”_

_Fili took a shaky breath and replied, “He was…struck by an arrow”_

_“Where?” demanded Thorin, though he tried to mask it, Fili could see the concern in Thorin’s eyes._

_“In the lower chest” murmured Fili, he clenched his eyes shut trying to block out the memories of finding Kili on the battlefield._

_“He will live?” asked Thorin hopefully,_

_“I don’t know” whispered Fili, “He looked dead when I found him. I failed him Uncle”_

_“You did not fail him Fili” comforted Thorin as he used most of his remaining strength to rest a hand on Fili’s._

_“But I let us get separated! I promised him I would stick by his side through the battle” argued Fili,_

_“It is battle Fili, no matter your intentions things happen-”_

_“But it shouldn’t have mattered that we were in a battle! In any fight we have been in we have always been side by side and the one time we get separated! The one time I don’t go and find him thinking he would be fine is the time I find him dying!” cried Fili._

_“Hush Fili” soothed Thorin, “For as long as Kili draws breath there is hope. And I know your brother will do all he can to ensure he will not leave you”_

_“Uncle I’m scared. I don’t want you to die” confessed Fili,_

_Thorin sighed, “I do not want to leave you Fili, but my time has come to join our ancestors. And I know you will be a great King. But know this Fili, whatever happens to your brother, it is not your fault. I am so very proud of the both of you and I am honoured to have fought beside you today”_

_Fili saw the light fade from Thorin’s eyes and unashamedly he cried for the loss of his Uncle._

Fili blinked the memory away. While he desperately wanted Kili to wake, he didn’t know how he was going to tell Kili of their Uncle’s passing. Thorin was, had been, an important figure in Kili’s life growing up. Their father had died when Kili was only a year old, and Kili had been very close with their father. From the day Kili had been born his eyes had either followed Fili or their father’s bow. It had been hard explain to Kili that their father had died, and Kili grew distressed whenever he saw a bow, he even refused to go outside (their father’s and Kili’s favourite place). Fili had tried to encourage Kili to go outside, but if Kili was near an open door he would turn away screaming. Fili had been distraught, he had lost his father and his little brother seemed to be trapped in his grief, so Fili had turned to his Uncle Thorin not wanting to further upset his mother. Thorin had spent time with Kili, building a close relationship with his nephew, and then he slowly, step by step he had managed to get Kili outside again. It had been Thorin who had first suggested Kili try the bow remembering his fascination while he had been a baby. All these events had formed a close relationship between Kili and Thorin, it was almost as if Thorin was Kili’s father, Fili was not jealous of this in fact he was glad. Because it had helped free Kili from the harsh grip of grief. And now Fili didn’t know how he was going to tell Kili.

A groan brought Fili out of his thoughts, he looked to see Kili shifting restlessly. Fili leaned closer and again rested his forehead against Kill’s.

“It’s alright Kili, shhh. I’m here, everything is alright” soothed Fili, he was comforted when Kili settled back into the deep sleep he had been in.

As Fili leaned back Kili protested, so Fili gripped Kili’s uninjured hand gently. “It’s alright Kili, I won’t leave you. I’ll be here when you wake”. Fili refused to add _if you wake_ that the healers no doubt would be thinking. While Fili knew the wound and infection was serious, he knew, like Thorin had said. No matter what Kili would do everything he could not to leave him.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! I will try and update this as fast as I can.

It had been three days since the battle and Fili was still sat in the chair at Kili’s bedside. Various members of the Company tried to get him to get some sleep, they had set up a bed next to Kili’s. But Fili refused stubbornly stating that he would keep watch over his brother, especially after what happened yesterday. The entrance of the tent rustled and Fili looked up to see Bofur enter the tent.

“If you’ve come to tell me to get some rest my answer is the same as last night” glared Fili.

“Easy lad. I know that we can’t get you to sleep, but I’ve brought you some stew” answered Bofur as he held out a bowl to Fili.

Fili nodded his thanks as he took the bowl and smelling the stew he realized how hungry he actually was and began to shovel the stew into his mouth.

“Slow down lad! You don’t want to make yourself sick!” Bofur gently admonished. Fili gave Bofur a small sheepish smile before he began to eat again, this time much slower.

“Gandalf has sent word to your mother and no doubt the wizard will have found a way to get her here quickly” commented Bofur.

“It would nice to see her again” smiled Fili, as he thought of his strong-willed, loving and caring mother.

Bofur smiled in response as he sat on the foot of Kili’s bed and took in the appearances of the brothers. Kili looked much the same as last night, his face was littered with cuts and he was still too pale for Bofur’s liking. Fili looked much better than his brother despite the dark circles under his eyes, Bofur knew what Fili needed the most was a long sleep, but he also knew Fili could not be persuaded to leave his brother. And if Bofur was honest he knew if he was in Fili’s position he would not leave Bombur’s or Bifur’s sides. Bofur sighed, he had always been fond of Fili and Kili, as they were growing up they were constant visitors to the toyshop he and Bifur owned. When he thought back on yesterday’s events he stretched out a hand and rested it on Kili’s ankle. He had been stood in the corner of the tent as Balin tried yet again to persuade Fili to get some rest, and had thought for a little while the youngest Durin had been lost to them. Looking at Fili he could see Fili was remembering those horrific moments.

As he ate the stew Fili stared at Kili’s rising chest, Fili was in a constant fear that Kili would stop breathing. Like he had done the day before.

_“Balin you have made your argument and I am giving you the same answer. I will not leave Kili’s side!” snapped Fili, he crossed his arms and turned away from Balin to face his brother._

_Balin opened his mouth to reply but was stopped when Kili’s wheezy breaths hitched. And then stopped altogether. Fili called out his brother’s name in a panic as he stood up and leaned over Kili._

_“Kili?! Please don’t do this Kili! Please not now!” begged Fili, his mind was so consumed with desperation and panic that he did not hear Bofur running from the tent shouting for help with Balin not far behind calling for Oin._

_Fili shook Kili’s shoulders in his desperation praying that Kili would respond, but Kili only limply flopped from side to side as Fili shook him. “No you don’t get to die!” growled Fili, “Not now and not for many decades! Do you hear me Kili? You can’t die! You’re supposed to be there when I am crowned King to mock the robes Mother will force me to wear! You’re supposed to become the greatest archer and warrior Erebor has ever known! You’re not supposed to leave me now Kili! You can’t leave me alone!” choked Fili his eyes brimming with tears. But Kili remained limp in his grasp._

_Oin and Gandalf burst into the tent and pushed Fili aside as they leaned over Kili. Fili tried to get back to Kili’s side but he was held back by Bofur, he tried struggling against Bofur’s grasp but could not get free._

_Oin looked up at Gandalf and shook his head, “no” moaned Fili as he felt his knees give out. Bofur was the only thing keeping him upright. Bofur embraced Fili tightly so Fili was resting his head on the older Dwarf’s shoulder, and Bofur hoped that Aule was not so cruel as to take Kili from Fili._

_Gandalf cast a glance in Fili’s direction before he looked back at Kili, he rested a hand on Kili’s forehead and began mumbling in a language no one else could understand._

_And then Fili heard the most precious sound he had ever heard. Kili taking a breath. Those gathered in the tent paused and scarcely made a sound as they waited. They listened intently as Kili drew in another breath. Then another and another. When it became apparent that Kili’s breaths would not stop they all breathed a sigh in relief._

_“Fili” groaned Kili,_

_Fili pulled himself away from Bofur and the older Dwarf let him go, Fili took up his usual position in the chair, silently the others left the tent to leave the brothers alone. Kili’s eyes then flickered open and Fili was overjoyed to see his brother awaken for the first time in three days._

_“Fili” whispered Kili, his voice hoarse from disuse._

_“Aye brother it is me” comforted Fili. “You have no idea how glad I am to see you awake”_

_“I saw Father” murmured Kili,_

_“What?” gasped Fili, unconsciously tightening his grip on Kili’s uninjured hand._

_“He told me it was not my time to join him and that I am needed to stay at your side” replied Kili softly, he looked up and saw Fili’s worried expression. So he gently squeezed Fili’s hand, “It’s alright Fili I am not going to leave you”_

_Fili could only nod as he held back tears, he had lost his brother. Yes it had only been for a few moments. But nevertheless he had still lost Kili._

_Kili saw how Fili was struggling with his emotions so he opened his arms as if he was going to hug Fili, but his wound in his lower chest prevented him from raising his arms very high. But Fili understood, so Fili slowly lowered himself onto the bed beside Kili and embraced his little brother. Kili with his head rested on Fili’s shoulder rubbed his older brother’s arm and murmured “sleep Fili, you need it. I’m not going anywhere”. And so for the first time since he had found Kili, Fili drifted off to sleep with Kili not far behind him. But Fili woke a couple of hours later to continue his watch over his brother._

Bofur looked over at Fili and asked, “Does he know of what happened to Thorin?”

Fili shook his head, his saddened eyes still on his sleeping brother.

“You need to tell him lad” murmured Bofur his own eyes resting on Kili, reassured to see the youngest taking steady breaths. He felt more certain that Kili would soon be back to his usual self, Gandalf had said he was able to heal the infection and so Kili only needed to rest and then soon he would be able to sit up and then take short walks outside.

“I know” mumbled Fili finally taking his gaze from Kili to meet Bofur’s, “but his injury still weakens him. I’m going to tell him when he’s healed more”

“Fili-” started Bofur.

“I know I need to tell him” interrupted Fili, “but you saw what he was like when Father died, the grief almost crippled him! I fear Uncle’s death will do the same to him, and then his injury coupled with his grief could take him from me!” choked Fili as he bowed his head.

“I know lad” replied Bofur softly, “but eventually he will learn of your Uncle’s death and he will only feel worse once he realizes you have hidden the news from him” Bofur then stood and left the tent sensing Fili wanted to be alone with his brother.

* * *

 

A couple of hours later Kili awoke again, and Fili, remembering Bofur’s words, had told Kili about Thorin.

Kili laid completely still, his wide eyes unseeing as he digested the news. Fili remained sat in silence as he allowed his brother to gather his thoughts together. Kili clenched his eyes shut as tears began to fall from them, Fili, who took this as his cue, lay beside his brother on the bed and hugged him tight.

“I should have done more” cried Kili,

Fili shook his head, “you did everything you could Kili”

“No I didn’t!” protested Kili, “I could have done more!”

Fili shook Kili, “That’s enough Kili! The only thing more you could have done was lose your life! And yesterday when you stopped breathing you did give your life!” Fili snapped.

“He shouldn’t have died” moaned Kili,

“And you should?!” exclaimed Fili sharply.

“I’m the second born, the spare. So therefore I should have given my life to save yours and Thorin’s” Kili responded.

Fili inhaled a sharp intake of breath. “Don’t you _ever_ speak like that again! I know you were close with Uncle but he would not have wanted you to give your life for his. And neither would I. Do you hear me Kili? You _are not_ a _spare_. You are Kili son of Dis and my brother. Understand?”

Kili nodded and leaned more into his brother’s embrace and stress and grief of Thorin’s death pulled him into an uneasy sleep. Fili remained embracing his brother knowing that the road ahead to recovery for Kili would be hard, but he vowed he would be there every step of the way for his brother.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break between writing but I have had essays, reports, critical commentaries and a group presentation (which was terrifying!) so I haven’t had much chance to write any stories, sorry about that. But I’ve survived my first 12 week term of university and so to celebrate I sat down and wrote this chapter. Sorry if there are any mistakes but my brain is still pretty much mush after the rush to get my work done and handed in on time.

Fili had been keeping a careful watch over his brother since he told Kili what had happened to Thorin two days before. Fili was concerned because all Kili ever seemed to do when he was awake was either stare up at the ceiling of the tent or stare at the entrance of the tent, and Fili knew this was Kili wishing Thorin would walk into the tent alive and well.

The company had been relieved when he began to sleep during the night, but that was only because Kili had asked him to. Fili still refused to leave the tent though.

Fili sighed as he looked down at Kili who was staring at nothing when a rustle got Fili’s attention, he looked over to see Bofur entering the tent holding a bowl.

Bofur handed it to Fili and said, “It’s broth, see if you can get Kili to eat some of it. Oin doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle more solid food just yet”

Fili nodded and took the bowl from Bofur with a small smile of thanks. He debated on whether he should let Kili come out of his current state on his own or if he should rouse him to eat.

“How is the lad?” murmured Bofur as he looked down at the figure lying on the bed.

Fili sighed again, that was all he seemed to be doing lately. “Much the same. I’m worried about him, he doesn’t say much, but I know he’s feeling guilty about what happened”.

Bofur sighed and rested a hand on Fili’s shoulder, “I feel bad about telling you to tell him about Thorin”

Fili shook his head and turned slightly so he could look up at Bofur, “No you were right. He had to know, and sooner the better. I just wish there was something I could do”

Bofur squeezed Fili’s shoulder, “You’re already doing something lad. You’re sticking by his side, that’s the best you can do for him for now. He just needs time to sort through his thoughts and grief. And I hate to sound morbid and I mean no offense, but maybe it is for the best that he’s like this” at Fili’s startled and confused expression Bofur hastily continued, “you know your brother lad, when did he _ever_ lie still when he was injured? Being in this state…at least he’s lying still and quiet and don’t get me wrong I don’t like seeing him like this anymore than you do. But at least he’s giving his body chance to rest and heal”

Fili nodded, he had to agree with Bofur. If Kili was his normal self, he wouldn’t be lying still and quiet, he’d be fidgeting and possibly tearing his stitches in trying to get up. Fili remembered when they were growing up, Kili had been fifteen and had badly cut his leg. Tripping over his own feet of all things. In his haste to get back up on his feet he had torn his stiches and had been forced to stay in bed a further week and a half. Fili shuddered remembering the constant foul mood Kili had been in. Because even when he had been allowed out of bed, Kili had still been forced to stay in the house.

Bofur chuckled quietly knowing exactly what Fili was thinking of, he remembered the horror stories Thorin had told him. He also remembered Thorin’s wide eyes and his comment that he did not know a dwarfling who possessed the same foul temper Kili had. Bofur smiled remembering Balin’s snigger as he whispered to Bofur that he did know of a dwarfling years ago who also possessed a foul temper. None other than Kili’s own Uncle Thorin. At the time Bofur had thought to himself, _well the lad had to have inherited it from somewhere_.

Once Bofur had taken his leave, Fili leaned over and gently shook Kili’s shoulder. It took a few tries but eventually Kili blinked sluggishly up at Fili.

“Bofur brought some broth for you brother” Fili smiled comfortingly.

“M’not hungry” mumbled Kili.

“You need to eat Kili” commented Fili, “Ma would have a fit if she knew how little you were eating”

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her” whispered Kili as he began staring at the tent door again.

“Well I have news for you brother. Gandalf has managed, though I don’t know how he did it, but he’s getting Ma here in the next couple of days. So you better eat up little brother” smiled Fili.

Kili shook his head, “I don’t-”

“I’m not giving you a choice Kili” Fili sternly interrupted. Kili’s eyes widened and his eyes snapped to lock gaze with Fili’s in his shock. “You _need_ to eat, and you _are going to_ ”

So Fili managed to slowly sit Kili up against his pillows, Fili then pulled his chair closer (if that was possible) to Kili’s beside and held the bowl up. At Kili’s look Fili said, “It’s for your own good”

Kili knew it would be no good to tell Fili he could feed himself because his right hand was still bandaged and he did not trust the strength in his left arm.

Fili hated seeing the defeated look in his brother’s eyes but he knew he could not allow Kili to starve through his pride of feeding himself. “It’s alright Kili, everything will be fine”

“Will it?” questioned Kili.

Fili paused and looked into Kili’s eyes, instead of the usual glint of mischief there was a blankness in Kili’s eyes. Fili squeezed his brother’s hand reassuringly, “of course it will!” he smiled. Kili only gave him a dubious look in response. “It will Kili trust me” Fili comforted.

They sat in silence as Fili fed Kili his broth, soon Kili turned his head away from the spoon and said, “I’m sorry Fili but I can’t eat anymore”

Fili put the bowl aside and turned Kili’s head towards him and smiled, “You don’t need to apologize Kili”

But Kili still looked unconvinced, so Fili moved so he was sat on the edge of the bed allowing Kili to see him better. “Kili you managed half a bowl of broth, that’s a lot better from yesterday when you could only manage a few mouthfuls”

“I just don’t want to fail you” whispered Kili as he reached out to grasp Fili’s hand with his left one.

“Oh Kili you never have and you never will” replied Fili, he tried to ignore Kili’s weak grip on his hand. However, he knew once Kili was deemed healed he was going to have to help his younger brother to regain his strength. Kili’s being unconscious for two days, the infection that had taken hold for the same two days and those moments when he had stopped breathing with his lack of appetite had caused Kili’s strength to wane. Fili doubted Kili would even be able to lift his sword, let alone fire an arrow.

Fili was about to comment on the dark circles that seemed to be a permanent fixture under Kili’s eyes when Balin entered the tent.

Before Fili could greet him, Balin said. “Fili we have a slight problem”

“What is it? The Elves being difficult?” smirked Fili, his heart soared when he heard Kili snort.

Balin shook his head, “No. It’s Dain” Fili sat up straighter and wondered what problems Dain could be causing. Balin then continued, “He wants to speak to you as you are now King under the Mountain and he feels he waited long enough as he wishes to return to the Ironhills”

Fili sighed, he knew he had to speak to Dain but he didn’t want to leave Kili’s side. Balin waited patiently for Fili to make his decision, he didn’t want to force Fili away from his brother, but someone had to deal with Dain and Dain would only speak to Fili. And Balin, along with the rest of the company did not want Dain inside the tent where Kili was healing. It was not that they distrusted Dain, it was that Dain had a tendency to accidentally say the wrong thing. And the last thing any of them needed was Dain saying something about Thorin in front of Kili, who was still feeling guilty about his Uncle’s death. They also did not need Dain listing to Kili his new responsibilities because they all knew if Kili heard this he would push himself to complete them before he was ready.

Kili sensed Fili’s internal struggle and gripped his brother’s hand a little tighter to get his attention. Fili seemed to think this was Kili’s way of silently asking him to stay. “Don’t worry Kili I’ll stay here Dain can afford to wait another day or two”

Kili shook his head, “That was not what I was trying to say Fili”

Fili frowned at Kili in confusion, wondering what his brother had meant if not asking for Fili to stay.

Kili seeing Fili’s confusion continued, “You need to go and speak to Dain. You can't have him being upset, and it is not as if he is going to keep you there for days. A few hours maybe”

Fili moved back to his chair and looked Kili straight in the eye, “Are you sure brother? No one will think any less of you if you wanted me to stay”

Kili shook his head again, “You need to go Fili”

Those words did not comfort Fili in the slightest, the last time Kili had said those words to his older brother, Fili had been asked to accompany Thorin to the next town. Kili had planned a hunting trip and Fili had not wanted him to go alone. But Kili had pointed out other Dwarves his age were going out hunting alone and so nothing Fili could say made any difference. That was when things had gone wrong. It had begun to rain and as Kili crossed the fallen tree everyone used as a bridge over the river, it became slippery and a gust of wind had unbalanced Kili causing the young Dwarf to be plunged into the river. Kili could not remember what happened next, and no one knew how he did it, but somehow Kili managed to drag himself out of the river, pack, quiver and all. He had then managed the trek home. Where once he opened the front door he collapsed at his mother’s feet. Fili and Thorin had returned two hours later to the news that Kili had a raging fever and it was uncertain whether he would survive.

Before Fili could voice his concern of Kili being alone, Bofur entered the tent holding a small block of wood and a carving knife.

“Ah! You’re awake lad!” exclaimed Bofur happily, he had decided to ignore the fact that Kili was technically awake the last time he was in the tent.

“Hello Bofur” greeted Kili, “What do you have there?”

“Thought I would do some carving and I wanted to see if you had any ideas. Because you always came up with interesting, albeit on the occasion unusual, ideas” replied Bofur as he came to stand at the foot of the bed holding up the block of wood as if it was the most amazing thing anyone could see.

Fili smiled, knowing Bofur was referring to when Kili would come to the toyshop every spare chance he got. It was through Bofur that Kili learnt how to make arrows. It was even Bofur who had made Kili’s bow.

“While you have fun with Bofur I will go and speak to Dain” commented Fili as he rose to his feet.

“Yes, have fun listening to Dain drone on about this and that” snickered Kili. In the past Fili may have snarked something back to his brother, today he found he was too happy to see Kili slowly go back to normal to say anything.

As he passed Bofur, Fili mouthed ‘thank you’. Bofur just shrugged and then sat in the chair and handed the wood to Kili.

“So what do you reckon I could carve out of this then lad?” asked Bofur.

Fili shared a smile with Balin as they left the tent and made their way over to Dain’s camp.

* * *

 

“So you see I want to take the wounded back to the Ironhills and I will need warriors to protect them, but I can leave about a quarter of my warriors here to help you start to clear the Mountain and then once I have returned to the Ironhills I can send more dwarves back here to help further” said Dain as he leaned back in his chair.

Fili smiled gratefully, “That would be most appreciative” of all the things he had thought Dain would want to talk about it was not this. But Fili had to wonder why did this need to be said directly to him? Surely Dain could have told Balin this. But Fili had to admit Dain did do the most strangest of things.

Dain then straightened suddenly as if he had just remembered something he wanted to say. “Some of my warriors found the Defiler”

Fili’s face hardened at the mention of Azog and ground out a word question, “Dead?”

“Dead” confirmed Dain nodding.

Fili relaxed knowing now they did not need to worry over that piece of scum anymore.

“He received a killing blow by an arrow” continued Dain.

Fili sighed, this meant an Elf had killed Azog, he knew then that it was only a matter of time before the Elves came and demanded more gold for killing Azog. Lord Elrond he could have dealt with, but Thranduil? That was another story.

Dain chuckled seeing the look on Fili’s face, “You do not need to worry about the Elves Fili. For it was no Elven arrow that struck the Defiler down”

Fili then watched as Dain pulled out from under the table a dark wooden arrow with yellow feathers at the end. Fili’s eyes widened in shock seeing the arrow, he knew who had faced Azog alone and had slain the evil Orc almost getting killed in the process.

Fili stared at the arrow that rested across Dain’s old withered hands, and he breathed out one name. “Kili”

* * *

 

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I mention the hunting trip where Kili fell into the river, I was thinking of turning this into a one-shot or two-shot. Your thoughts on this would be really appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

As Fili left Dain's camp his head was swimming with thoughts and images of Kili fighting Azog, along with this Fili wondered if this was how Kili had been struck with the arrow. As all the possibilities of what happened ran through his mind he gripped the arrow in his left hand and came to an abrupt stop. He had suddenly come to the realization no one knew what had happened to Kili during the battle. Talking with the Company over the past few days, Fili learnt that after he had been hit on the head and heard Kili call out to him, it had been the last anyone in the Company had seen of his younger brother.

So as he began walking towards Kili's tent he was determined to find out what had happened to Kili during the end of the battle. He had grown worried by the constant look of guilt in his brother's eyes and he wanted to see that look gone. For Kili had no reason to feel guilty.

As he entered the tent he saw Kili with a small smile on his face, it was nowhere near the usual smile Kili wore but for Fili it signified that Kili was healing. So he decided he was going to wait until the next day to talk to Kili about the battle, as today seemed to be a good day for his brother. So he spotted an abandoned old cloak and wrapped the arrow in it to prevent Kili seeing it and ruining the rare good mood Kili was in.

"Fili what do you think of Bofur's carvings?" asked Kili as he saw Fili enter the tent.

Fili looked and saw lining the edge of Kili's bed was five carvings of animals. Fili smiled at Bofur and Kili, "They are very good, what made you carve them?"

Bofur chuckled, "Kili here came up with the idea of carving some animals that represented some of the Company"

Fili laughed and looked down at the animals and then back up to Kili. "Alright brother tell me who you have had Bofur carve into animals" and he sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the nearest carving to him, it was a bear. He was impressed by the detail, Bofur had carved the wood so it looked as if the bear had fur.

Kili smiled when he saw the bear Fili was holding, "That is Dwalin because he is as fierce as a bear but also has a soft side to him that is not always visible"

Fili nodded, he had to agree with Kili about the fierce warrior. There was a time when the two Dwarves were young Dwarflings and all they had seen when they looked at Dwalin was a terrifying Dwarf. But after the number of scrapes Dwalin had helped them out of growing up they had started to see the soft side to Dwalin. Despite his gruff attitude he had, many a time, gently comforted them after they had fallen and scraped their knees.

Fili replaced the bear in his hand with an owl, he raised an eyebrow questioningly at Kili not sure where this animal had come from.

"That is Balin" answered Kili, "because he is wise like an owl"

Again Fili nodded and picked up a magpie, "That is Nori, because we all know how he likes shiny things like sliver plates" commented Kili.

Fili grinned at his brother, this for him was only conformation that Kili was on the mend as his old sense of humour started to make itself known. Fili then picked up a chicken and had to ask, "Who in the Company reminded you of a _chicken_?"

Bofur began laughing loudly and completely straight faced Kili responded, "Dori. Because he is such a mother hen to Ori"

Fili dropped the carving onto the bed as he bent forward clutching his sides as he laughed loudly with Bofur. He sadly noticed that Kili did not laugh but only let his smile grow a little. Once he and Bofur had calmed down he looked at the last carving.

Seeing where his older brother was looking Kili said, "The lion is you"

"Me?" gasped Fili, "Why?"

Kili smiled and replied, "Because you are as brave as one. Your hair also looks like a mane…especially when you forget to comb it"

"Hey!" squawked Fili, "I resent that!" Kili only smiled. "Well what about you little brother what animal do you think you would be?"

"I thought a raven, because Ma and…Uncle…always called me that" replied Kili in a small voice, the smile vanishing off his face.

"That is an idea" mused Fili, determined to put a smile back on Kili's face, "But I have always seen you as more of a hawk"

"A hawk?" questioned Kili.

Fili nodded, "You have a hawk's eyes, which is only shown by your skills with the bow. Also I remember back in the Blue Mountains you used to love galloping on your pony, Thistle, because you said it was like you were flying. So I think a hawk"

Bofur nodded as he looked at Kili, "Aye lad, I see you as a hawk, because you are also brave like one. I'll go and start on it now". As he stood from the chair and took four of the carvings to give them to the intended Dwarves, leaving the lion with Fili.

Fili could see Kili's eyes drooping so he stood and helped Kili to lie back down on the bed. Kili looked up and murmured, "Do you really think I'm brave?"

"Of course I do!" exclaimed Fili, "And I am not saying that because you are my brother"

Kili smiled up at him before his eyes slipped closed, Fili lowered himself into the chair and ran his fingers through his brother's hair. "How can you doubt your bravery Kili? You did what no one else could" whispered Fili as his eyes flickered over to the old cloak in the corner and then back to Kili. "You undoubtly saved us all Little Raven" he smiled when he called Kili the term of endearment their Ma and Uncle had called Kili.

* * *

The next day Fili did not get chance to talk to Kili about the battle because some chambers and sleeping quarters had been cleared and so the wounded were being moved into the mountain. Fili, despite knowing, that as King he should be at the gate overseeing the movement of the wounded. Had instead remained at Kili's side (ignoring Kili telling him he should stay at the gate instead of Balin) as he was placed on a stretcher and carried through the gate.

As they walked through the gate with Dwalin and Gloin carrying Kili's stretcher and Fili walking closely at his brother's side. Dwarves bowed to them, Fili acknowledged them with a tilt of his head, but Kili became frozen in shock. While growing up, neither he nor Fili had been bowed to, that had always been for their Uncle and Ma. The Dwarves now bowing to Fili and him only proved that Thorin was gone and wasn't coming back.

Kili sniffled as he kept his tears at bay, knowing that he could not start crying in front of all the Dwarves that were now his brother's people and Dain's warriors. He looked up to see Dwalin looking at him in concern, he only shook his head and rubbed his face with his good hand. Thankfully he saw Fili had not noticed him nearly crying, he closed his eyes as he figured if he did not see the bowing he would not become upset by it. The gentle rocking of the stretcher and his draining emotions lulled Kili into the depths of sleep, where he remained ignorant of all the bows directed at himself and Fili.

After Dwalin and Gloin had settled Kili on the big bed in the chambers that had been given to the Princes' they took their leave. Not before Dwalin pulled Fili aside and told him of Kili's reaction to the bows. Fili thanked Dwalin with a smile, but once the door shut behind the warrior the smile slipped off his face. He slowly walked over to the bed and laid down beside his little brother. He cursed himself for not realizing or noticing how the bowing Dwarves made Kili feel.

Fili spent the day lying on the bed beside Kili watching over his little brother as he slept the day away. Kili even slept through Oin coming to check his wounds and change the bandages on his arrow wound. Fili still flinched at the sight of the wound, because every time he saw it, it caused him to relive the memory of finding Kili on the battlefield and believing his brother had died.

Fili dozed off, but was awakened when he heard Kili cry out as he was trapped in a nightmare.

"No please! Uncle!" cried Kili, as he tossed and turned.

Fili sat up and placed his hands on Kili's shoulders preventing his brother from moving too sharply and risk reopening his wound. "Shhh, it's alright Kili. Nothing can hurt you now"

"Uncle! _Get up_!" screeched Kili. Fili closed his eyes hearing the pain in his brother's voice, he would give anything for Kili not to be plagued by the nightmares and to have only suffered minor injuries like he had.

It took a little while, but eventually Fili managed to get Kili back to resting peacefully. And that was when Fili decided enough was enough, he was going to talk to Kili about the battle because the nightmares were not going to allow him to heal. He hummed an old lullaby their Ma used to sing to them to help Kili sleep peacefully. He then closed his eyes and fell asleep to Kili's reassuring breaths.

* * *

Fili was sat in one of the chairs in his and Kili's chambers with the old cloak grasped in his hands, he cast his eyes over to his stirring brother. Kili blinked awake and rubbed his eyes, once his eyes focused on his brother and looked at the old cloak confusedly.

"What's that?" questioned Kili. Fili silently took out the arrow. "Why was one of my arrows wrapped up in that old cloak?"

"Dain gave it to me" replied Fili as he stood and approached the bed so he was standing at the edge of the side of the bed he slept on. He knew once Kili realized what he was trying to get his younger brother to talk about, Kili would either want comfort or space. So by standing at the edge of the bed Fili was close enough, or not, to do both.

Kili frowned and paused confused, "And why did _Dain_ have one of my arrows?" He asked as he sat himself up a little against the pillows.

Fili looked Kili squarely in the eye as he kept his voice neutral and replied. "One of his warriors took it from Azog" Fili watched as Kili's face paled.

Kili closed his eyes as he tried to push the memories of the battle away. The cries of the wounded and dying, along with the clashing of weapons, the screeches of the enemy and the blood. But above all, the worst memory was that of Thorin falling. They were all things that haunted Kili's mind day and night. It took all of his energy when he was awake to prevent the memories from overwhelming him, but during the night his defences were weakened and the memories became so real. It was almost as if he had dreamed the end of the battle.

"Kili" he looked up to see Fili had moved to standing at his side of the bed and was holding his hand. Kili blinked up at his older brother, the memories were threatening to take over and Fili's hold on his hand was the only thing keeping him in the present. "Kili you need to talk about it"

Kili sharply shook his head, "I can't"

Fili sat on the edge of the bed and grasped Kili's hand a little tighter. "Brother the memories are haunting you. You _need_ to talk about what happened"

"I _can't_ Fili!" pleaded Kili, he looked up at his brother begging Fili with his eyes not to make him relive the battle. But Fili only shook his head. Kili clenched his eyes shut and let go of Fili's hand as he brought his own hands up to tightly grasp his hair, covering his eyes at the same time. He ignored the pain in his injured hand as it protested the movement. Tears began to leak from his eyes, he would have been embarrassed by this but he didn't notice the tears as his breathing became more ragged and the screams of the battle got louder and louder. Kili, still gripping his hair, moved his hands so they covered his ears in an attempt to block out the screaming. But it didn't work, the screaming only continued to get louder. "Make it stop! Oh please just make it _stop_!" cried Kili.

Something came to grasp his hands, startled Kili snapped open his eyes to see Fili's worried face close to his own. Looking into his brother's blue eyes Kili could see concern and worry, but also determination. He knew. Fili would make him talk about the battle. There was nothing he could do to avoid it.

In a last ditch attempt Kili brokenly whispered, "Fili"

Fili shifted so he was sat beside Kili and wrapped an arm around the younger Dwarf's shoulders. "What happened out there Kee?"

Kili moaned in distress and thought _why is he making me tell him? I don't want to remember. Why is he doing this?_

He didn't know he had also said this aloud until Fili replied, "It will help brother, talking always helps"

Sighing Kili nodded and rested his head against his brother's shoulder and looked out across their chambers. But he didn't see the chairs, the rug, the bookshelf or the fireplace. Instead he saw the battlefield. He saw Men, Dwarves, Elves falling against the malice of the Orcs and Goblins. He was standing there again fighting with all he had trying to survive and protect his kin and friends.

So in a broken voice he began to Fili what he had seen and done on the battlefield after they had been separated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be Kili's POV of his part in the battle. Also I have written and posted the one-shot from the idea from the previous chapter and it is called 'Alone and Afraid'. I hope you have all had a Merry Christmas!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Kili's POV of the latter part of the Battle, I've written this chapter as if Kili is remembering what happened as he tells Fili what happened as I thought it would be more interesting to read this way.

Kili smiled in satisfaction when he saw his arrow hit its mark, no Orc or Goblin was going to kill any of his friends or kin. Nori turned sharply mace raised and was startled to see the Orc that was about to attack him slump to the ground, seeing the familiar arrow embedded in the Orc Nori threw Kili a grateful glance before he continued slashing his way through the enemy to get to his brothers. Kili acknowledged the glance before he looked for his own brother.

It took him everything he had to ignore the pain filled screams of the wounded and dying Men, Dwarves and Elves. It went against everything Kili stood for but he knew the screams were of those who would not live to see the Battle's end. There was nothing he could do. And he _hated_ it.

He then caught a glimpse of Fili. His brother was fighting an Orc that towered above him, Kili ran towards his brother and without pausing fired an arrow that struck true. The Orc crumbled at Fili's feet. Fili paused in mid-swing of his twin swords and looked at the Orc confused.

Kili skidded to a halt beside his brother and smirked, "Never seen a dead Orc before brother?"

Fili only shook his head fondly and smiled, "Great timing as always brother"

Kili grinned in response, before he could say anything a small group of Goblins began charging in their direction and knowing he would not be able to use his bow effectively he shoved it into his quiver and drew his sword.

Kili lost all sense of time as he fought against the Goblins, every time one fell another two replaced it. He soon found himself swinging from side to side wildly in the desperate attempt to see in all directions. In what felt like hours later there were finally no more Goblins charging at him, so he replaced his sword with his bow again. He saw as Fili finished his last Goblin off with ease and heard Fili mutter "eighty three".

Kili frowned in confusion and wandered the few steps back to his brother's side, "Fili what was eighty three?"

Fili turned and grinned, "The number of Orcs and Goblins I have slain"

Kili paused and then asked, "So who are you competing with?"

"Gimli" responded Fili,

" _Gimli?_ Fili he is back in the Blue Mountains! I know that our cousin is competitive and likes to try and kill more Orcs and Goblins than anyone else but he has only ever been in skirmishes. Never a battle" commented Kili.

Fili smiled, "I know. I just thought I'd give him something to aim to beat when he sees his first battle"

Kili shook his head at his brother. As he did this he saw a huge Orc make its way over to the brothers and despite Kili firing an arrow at it, the Orc continued towards them. Kili fired arrow after arrow to no prevail. Once the brothers were in reach and before they could do anything the Orc pushed Kili aside forcibly. Kili tried desperately to make his way back to his brother's side but other Orcs prevented him

Kili, through the mass of Orcs, could only watch as Fili was hit on the head and fell to the ground. "NO!" he roared, he drew his sword and tried to push his way through the Orcs but instead was pushed back. He tried desperately to get back to his brother's side, but the Orcs just kept coming. " _FILI_!" cried Kili, one of the Orcs sneered at him, knowing they were pushing the young Dwarf away from his kin.

That Orc made a mistake that would cost it its life. For it had made rage fuel Kili's veins and he attacked the Orcs with new purpose. He slashed his sword left and right, slaying all that stood between himself and his brother. Inwardly he began to panic, because no matter how hard he fought he was not getting any closer to his brother's side. Just as he began to think all was lost, that he had failed to save his older brother he caught a glimpse of Fili, once again standing, and relaxed.

While he would have rather fight at his brother's side, knowing that Fili had not been killed after suffering the blow to the head, soothed Kili's worries of his worst nightmare becoming true. So he continued to fight where he was and cut down foe after foe. Steadily a pile grew from all the Orcs and Goblins he had cut down alone with only his bow and arrows. He couldn't help but feel pleased with himself, most Dwarves back home had accepted his choice of the bow as his weapon as others (not many) had used the bow, his father included. But a few Dwarves had felt it unbefitting of an heir of Durin to wield a bow. Kili wanted those Dwarves to see him now cutting down more of the enemy than any of the others in the Company.

As he turned to see if anymore Orcs or Goblins were going to try their luck against him his breath caught his throat. He watched wide eyed as Azog marched across the battlefield towards Thorin, who had his back turned unaware of the looming threat. Kili cast a glimpse in Fili's direction and seeing his brother fighting side by side with Dwalin, Kili was rest assured his brother would fine so he charged towards his Uncle.

"THORIN!" shouted Kili gaining his Uncle's attention. Thorin turned to see Kili sprinting towards him with a wild panicked look in his eyes, and in the corner of his eye he saw Azog coming towards him weapon raised.

Kili was not close enough to help Thorin and smirked when he saw the frustration on Azog's face when he realized Thorin was not unaware of the coming attack. As Thorin's and Azog's swords clashed together Kili skidded to a halt and kept careful watch of his Uncle. Any Orc or Goblin that dared to come to close was cut down with his arrows. He reached behind him for another arrow and his hand grasped thin air. He had no arrows left. Dismayed he shoved his bow into his quiver and once again drew his sword.

A grunt of pain made him turn and he saw a wounded Thorin with his sword raised being pushed down to his knees as Azog pushed him down with his own sword. Seeing Azog sneering down at his Uncle fuelled Kili's anger.

He charged and pushed Thorin aside, Azog's sword crashed down on an empty space. Kili slashed at the Defiler and felt satisfaction when he caused the evil Orc to stumble back a few paces.

Azog sneered down at Kili, "You only delay your King's fate. For he will die on this day"

"The only one here dying today is _you_ " snarled Kili, he moved so he was stood between Thorin and Azog.

"Brave words little Dwarf. But I _will_ kill Thorin Oakenshield, even if I have to kill you first" taunted Azog as he stepped towards Kili.

Kili heard Thorin gasp his name, but he did not look back, knowing if he did the Defiler would cut him down in seconds and then they would both be lost. Kili braced himself and soon found himself beginning a dance with what felt like death itself.

Azog was a formidable foe. He swung his sword and claw arm in different directions at the same time. Kili found himself ducking and diving and spinning out of the way as he raised his sword in defence.

The screams of the wounded and dying and the clashing of metal all faded away until the only thing Kili could hear was his own ragged breathing as he blocked blows and slashed trying with all his strength to end the Defiler's life once and for all. Bringing justice for his Great-Grandfather and for Thorin who had tried to protect the Line of Durin and all Dwarves from the Defiler.

He was growing tired and his arms were beginning to ache with the strain it took to hold back Azog's attacks. As he stumbled he then came to the realization that he most likely would not see the Battle's end. Not when he was fighting against Azog alone. And weirdly Kili found he was at peace with that thought, he hated that he would never see his Uncle crowned King Under the Mountain, he hated that he would not see Fili become the Prince of Erebor that he was always meant to be and he hated that he would break the promise he made to his Ma. But he felt peace when he knew he was not breaking the promise being reckless, no, he was breaking the promise defending his Uncle, his brother, the Company and all those in Middle Earth who were at risk from the Defiler. Thinking of all the Dwarflings, the children of Men, the little Hobbit children and even the Elflings all tucked up in bed or playing in open fields who could grow up in peace once the Defiler was dead gave Kili the strength he needed to fight back. While he very well might fall at the Defiler's hand, he was not going to join his ancestors until he had slain the Defiler. Envisioning the peaceful future the young generations of all the races in all the Kingdoms could have made Kili straighten and plant his feet firmly on the rocky ground and he raised his sword. Eyes narrowed he yelled out a battle cry and fought back against the Defiler.

This continued until Azog's claw arm swung around and caught Kili. The arm threw him into the air and as he spun mid-air Kili saw Thorin getting to his feet sword raised. The breath was knocked out of him as he crashed onto the rocky ground. Gasping he tried to pull air into his lungs, he looked up to see Azog leaning above him. He grasped his hand expecting to hold the hilt of his sword, he was dismayed when his hand enclosed around thin air. He twisted his head to see his sword lying a couple of feet away. He outstretched his arm in the hope that he could reach it before Azog could deliver his death blow.

"Argh!" Kili cried out in pain as Azog stomped down onto his hand.

Kili felt tears stinging his eyes as Azog steadily placed more weight onto his right hand. Kili clenched his mouth shut as he felt two fingers crack, knowing they were broken. He turned his head again to find Azog leaning closer sneering, "It is the end for you little Dwarf. I am going to enjoy seeing the life bleed out of your eyes and seeing the hurt knowing you have failed to protect your King"

Unafraid Kili stared up at Azog with eyes narrowed, ready to meet his fate.

"He has not failed. It is you who has failed" snarled a voice from behind Azog. The weight was lifted off Kili's hand as Azog was forcibly shoved away. Kili looked up stunned to see Thorin knelt beside him. "Are you alright?" questioned Thorin.

Kili nodded, "Only my hand"

Thorin nodded and gently squeezed his shoulder, "You fought well. Now let me take over, find your brother and help each other. I will not see either of you fall today". Before Kili could respond Thorin grunted as he stood and marched to face Azog once again.

Kili pulled himself to his feet and bent forward to pick up his sword. He hissed in pain as he failed to grasp the hilt in his right hand. He bent forward again and instead he picked up his sword with his left hand.

Seeing Thorin fight against Azog he knew Thorin would not have much more luck than he did. He knew he could not fight with his sword after the injury to his right hand, he wasn't like Fili who could fight with both hands. With his left hand he gripped his hair desperately thinking of a solution that could save Thorin and kill Azog. His gaze rested on the pile of Orcs and Goblins he had slain and grinned when he thought of a solution.

He charged forward perfectly dodging arrows and spears. He skidded to a halt and landed on his knees beside the pile and wrenched an arrow from a dead Goblin and then got back to his feet and ran back up the slope and looked down at Thorin and Azog. From the corner of his eye he could still see Fili fighting, looking at his brother he knew Fili was looking for him but right now he could not let Fili know he was alright. Right now he had to save Thorin.

He stifled a pain filled sob as he used his right hand to notch the arrow. He took a deep breath to steady himself knowing he only had one shot. He gasped at the intense pain in his hand as he drew back his bow. He steadied his breathing and narrowed his eyes at his target. As he breathed out he released the arrow.

It hit true. It struck the Defiler at the base of his neck. Azog spluttered and turned to see the youngest Durin stood at the top of the slope standing tall and proud with his bow in hand. As he slumped down to the ground Azog directed his hate filled gaze at Kili before he hit the ground unmoving. Kili only raised his head looking like the many Kings who lived before him.

From his position on the ground, Thorin looked proudly up at Kili, his youngest nephew had always surprised him with his hidden strength and today showed Kili to be one of the strongest Dwarves he had ever met. Thorin knew he was mortally wounded and leaned back and knowing Azog was dead and knowing Fili was more than ready to be King and he knew Kili would always stand strong beside his brother Thorin closed his eyes and sunk into unconsciousness. Fortunately he did not see what was about to happen even though Fili would later tell him before he died, for if he did see what would happen it would have broken his heart.

Kili bent forward collecting his breath stood straight again, only to feel something strike his lower chest. His mouth gaped open in a silent scream at the fiery pain he felt. He looked to see an arrow sticking out of him, he gasped and gasped trying to pull in enough breath. He stumbled dropping his bow and he crashed down onto the unforgiving, hard and cold stone ground.

He opened his eyes and from where he was lying he could see his golden haired brother fighting like the lion he was. "Fi…" gasped Kili, his eyes then rolled to the back of his head and he lost consciousness. Thinking that he would wake up in the Halls of Waiting, he knew that even though he would not be with Fili alive, he would never leave his brother's side. For death would not part them. He knew that he would always watch over his Uncle, Ma and brother, he would never truly leave them.

But then Fili found him and he was still alive, so he thought that perhaps he would live to see the day's end. But Kili could still feel the cold, but soothing and comforting hand of death on his shoulder. And he knew it was his time to go and he tried to tell Fili this but was distracted. But to the comforting sight of his older brother alive and well he felt his eyes begin to slip closed. When Fili desperately reminded him of their promise, he tried with all his strength to stay awake, he really did. Despite not wanting to leave his brother the hold of unconsciousness was too strong and so Kili tried to apologize to his brother. The last thing Kili saw before his eyes closed was Fili's own worried blue eyed gaze.

_I'm sorry Fili. I tried I really did. But I won't leave you even if you can't see me. I will always stand at your side._


	6. Chapter 6

As Kili finished telling Fili what happened the sight of the battlefield began to fade away and he was once again staring at the fireplace. He wasn't lying on the hard stone that was covered with blood, but instead he was lying against the wooden headboard of the bed with Fili's comforting arm wrapped around his shoulders. Since Fili had told him of Thorin's passing he had been berating himself for not looking to see if Thorin was alright after he had slain Azog. Of all the things he could have done, he did not do what he _should_ have done. Which was make sure his Uncle, his _King_ , was unharmed. Kili was getting trapped in his morbid thoughts once again when Fili saved him again, but with a question Kili would have rather him not ask.

"Kili what happens in your nightmares?" asked Fili as he tried to capture Kili's gaze.

But Kili stubbornly kept staring straight ahead, but telling Fili of what happened in the battle had loosened his tongue and so he continued talking, something he would not have done minutes earlier.

"I run to Uncle and try to get him to stand up…to show he's uninjured. But he always dies and then…he fades away but I hear his voice…he tells me I am not a worthy son of Durin" confessed Kili.

Fili sighed softly, Kili's greatest fear had always been the fear of failing, and not being seen as worthy in their Uncle's eyes. He pulled Kili into a tight hug and said, "You _are_ a worthy son of Durin Kili. Before Uncle…died…he said he was proud of _both of us_ and was honoured to have fought beside us"

Kili paused and thought about what Fili had said, but he still whispered. "After I fired the arrow I should have gone to Uncle to make sure he was alright. If I had done he might have lived"

 _And you might not have been shot with the arrow_ , thought Fili but he didn't say this Kili didn't need to feel anymore misplaced guilt. "Kili what happened to Uncle wasn't your fault. What you also have to remember is you saved him from a horrible fate. You did what _no one else_ could. _You_ killed Azog the Defiler. That makes you a _hero_ ".

Kili twisted his head and looked up at Fili with a stunned look on his face, "I'm not a her-"

"Yes you _are_ " Fili firmly interrupted. "All the Dwarves at the Mountain think you are, so do Bard's Men and even the Elves have to admit you are. And so do I". Kili's eyes widened at Fili's last statement, so Fili looked his brother directly in the eye and said, "Never doubt yourself Kili, you are the bravest of us all"

The brothers sat in a comfortable silence, and against his will Kili soon fell asleep again. Fili decided that he should go and check on the progress of the clearing and rebuilding of the Mountain. So he silently slipped off the bed and made his way over to the door of the chambers, before he closed the door behind him he cast one more glance back at his brother. He smiled seeing the peaceful look on Kili's face, for he had not seen his brother look like that since days before the battle. He then quietly closed the door behind him with a soft click.

* * *

Fili was wandering the main entrance hall when he turned and a figure caught his gaze. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, for it could not possibly be. But then a clear voice called out, "Is that anyway for a son to greet his Ma?"

That was all it took. Fili sprinted the distance to his mother and was soon wrapped in her tight embrace. He stooped down a little and buried his face into her shoulder, breathing in the familiar and comforting smell. If he closed his eyes he could almost believe that the whole quest was a dream or nightmare in regards to the battle. And he and Kili were nothing more than small Dwarflings again hanging off their Uncle's every word and pleading their mother to sing to them just one more song every night.

Dis pulled back and held Fili back at arm's length and looked him over. "You appear to be unharmed"

Fili smiled reassuringly, "I only had a blow to the head and it bled a little. It wasn't bad, I really am alright Ma"

Dis sighed in relief and brought Fili in for another bone crushing hug. This time it was Fili who pulled away, he linked arms with Dis and began to lead her out of the hall. "Come. I'll take you to Kili"

Dis grasped Fili's hand tightly, "He is alright isn't he Fili?" she asked desperately.

Fili looked her straight in the eye and replied, "He's alive but he suffered a serious wound which got infected"

Dis took a sharp intake of breath, "Where was he wounded?" Fili looked away and down at his feet, "Fili"

Fili looked back up and whispered, "His lower chest" Dis stifled a sob as she imagined her youngest lying on a battlefield with a wound that could have very easily taken him from her. "He's alright Ma, just a little weakened, but he's been suffering from nightmares" continued Fili.

"Has he talked to you about them?" asked Dis, she knew Kili always kept what pained him to himself and remembered all too clearly the number of times she had to pry the information from Kili. Whether the information was in regards to an injury or a nightmare. Sometimes with limited success, even Fili had had trouble getting Kili to talk. It helped that Fili rarely left his brother's side so most of the time he had an idea of what was troubling Kili.

Fili nodded, "I got him to talk about it this morning, I also got him to talk about the end of the battle" at Dis' look Fili added, "We got separated. I'm so sorry Ma, I know I promised to look after him. I tried to find him once we got separated I really did! I-"

"Hush Fili" soothed Dis, as she brought them to a stop, she gently rubbed Fili's arms. "Do not blame yourself."

They began walking again when Dis turned to Fili and asked, "So is it true? That Kili was the one who slew the Defiler?" Fili could only nod as he was plagued by the horrifying images Kili's tale had conjured earlier. Dis brought her hand up to cover her mouth, "That child" she whispered, "He is always getting himself into trouble. I swear his main purpose in life is to turn my hair grey before it's time"

Fili found he could not contain his snigger at the memories that one sentence brought back to the front of his mind. He remembered Kili hanging upside down from branches in the trees waving his arms around surprising their mother who was walking below the tree and had had no idea Kili was up there in the first place. Dis shot Fili a small smile no doubt thinking similar thoughts.

Soon they had arrived at the chambers and Fili stopped, Dis turned and the look on her face clearly showed her confusion as to why Fili was not going to come into the chambers with her.

"I think it would be good for Kili to have some alone time with you" Fili elaborated. Dis nodded in understanding and then reached out and rested her hand on the door handle. She paused and closed her eyes as she prepared herself, taking a deep breath she reopened her eyes and opened the door.

Once the door had shut Fili leaned against the wall and then slid down it. Wanting to keep watch over the last family he had left, he vowed he would not let anything happen to his mother and brother. Oin had spoken to him before he had reunited with his mother and they had discussed allowing Kili out of bed the next day, to begin regaining his strength. Fili knew that it was going to be a hard and arduous task for his little brother, but he would remain at his brother's side. As he always had and always will.

* * *

Dis softly shut the door behind her and instantly her eyes were drawn to the figure lying on the bed. She slowly walked across the wide room and around the bed, she then lowered herself into the chair. Her eyes never left the still form of her youngest son, she reached out with one shaking hand and began running her fingers through Kili's hair. She took in every cut and every bruise that covered his face and the dark circles under his eyes. She smiled tenderly at the soft noises Kili was making as he slept, she then saw his bandaged right hand that was lying near her own hand. She gently picked up the injured hand and kissed it before she then lowered Kili's hand back onto the covers. She rested her free hand above Kili's heart and was relieved to feel the steady beating.

"Oh Kili my Little Raven what troubles have befallen you this time?" whispered Dis, she leaned forward and kissed Kili's brow and thought about the past year without her sons. It was the worst thing imaginable, it was almost as if they had died and left her alone. But she knew they had not died, she knew, she _felt_ , that they were alive. At different times she had felt terror grip her heart and she had known one, or _both_ , of her sons was in danger and the other was worried for their brother. But one thing she had dearly missed was Kili's laughter. That had been a sound that could brighten the darkest of days and she had dearly needed that light laughter to get her through the past year, but she had only fond memories of that laughter to count on.

She was jolted from her thoughts at a slight groaning noise. Dis looked down to see a pair of brown eyes, identical to those of her dear brother Frerin, blink awake and look up at her.

Kili squinted up at her in thought and hoarsely asked, "Ma is that you?"

Dis smiled despite the tears gathering in her eyes, "Yes my Little Raven, it is really me"

Kili choked back a sob as he lifted his arms with the little strength he had. Bit Dis understood, she leaned forward and wrapped Kili in a tight, but gentle, hug. With the practised skill of a mother, Dis at the same time lifted Kili up so he was sat up and leaning into the hug. Against his will tears began leaking from Kili's eyes as he sobbed into his mother's shoulder in relief. Dis rubbed one hand up and down his back, while with the other she continued to run her fingers through his hair, something she had loved doing since Kili was a small Dwarfling.

"Shhh Kili it's alright. Everything is alright now your Mama is here my brave Little Raven" comforted Dis, her smile widened when she heard a mumbled 'Mama' in reply coming from her shoulder, she had dearly missed her boys calling her that. But it was expected of their family to be shown as respectful figures, she herself many decades ago had to stop calling her own mother Mama when she reached the age of ten. Poor Kili had had a hard time in understanding why he couldn't call her Mama and it had broken Dis' heart when she had to sternly lecture him, telling him he had no choice.

They stayed like that for a little while until Kili's tears had dried along with Dis' own. Dis rested Kili back against the headboard, but continued to hold his injured hand gently. She smiled and reached into her pocket and said "I have something for you". She chuckled seeing Kili sit up a little straighter in his haste to discover what she had brought. In the dull eyes she saw an old spark of her Little Raven and knew he was coming back to her. For she hated to see those precious eyes dull with grief and guilt. When she had arrived Balin had told her briefly that Kili had been feeling guilt over Thorin's death. And while she grieved for the loss of her brother she knew he would want her to not cry and instead help the boys through the challenges they were now facing. She had cried her fill on her way to the Mountain she had once called home, and could call home once again thanks to her brother, her sons and their Company. But once arriving she pulled herself together for her boys.

"What is it?" questioned Kili as he tried to see what Dis was pulling from her pocket.

Dis' chuckle grew louder, "You are still as impatient as ever I see"

Kili shrugged the best he could with his wound and gave Dis a small smile, "I guess some things never change"

"And I would not have it any other way" smiled Dis as she gently squeezed Kili's hand. Despite the slight pain in his hand Kili squeezed back and his smile grew a little bigger.

Dis then pulled from her pocket a necklace, made of string and a wooden pendant which had carved on it a bow and arrow with a flower. Dis held it out to Kili and he took it in his free hand and looked at the necklace.

Kili looked at Dis questionably, "Is it from-"

"Lalia? Yes it is" Dis interrupted, she smiled seeing Kili's own smile grow brighter at the mention of his closest friend (apart from Fili, of course). "She has now finished her healer training" Dis added.

"That's good. I'm pleased for her" smiled Kili as he put the necklace around his neck and closed his fingers over the wooden pendent, he could almost picture Lalia carving the pattern.

Lalia was two months younger than Kili, and their mothers had been close friends, so they had played together a lot with Fili keeping a careful watch over them both. They had even taken their first steps on the same day. Although that was due to the fact they had both seen a biscuit left on the arm of a chair and had both wanted to eat it. They had been at opposite ends of the room and had each tried to get to the chair first. Kili had managed it only because the cat had blocked Lalia's path, and taking her first steps Lalia had not known how to move around the cat. But Kili had broken the biscuit in half and gave one half to Lalia. Only Dis knew Fili had planted the biscuit in the hopes it would encourage the two Dwarflings to walk.

Over the years Dis had been able to see that Kili was falling for Lalia, but the poor thing hadn't known what to do to show Lalia that he liked her more than a friend much to Fili's amusement. Dis also knew Kili had not wanted to risk their friendship if Lalia did not feel the same. But Dis knew they felt the same for each other, she and Lalia's mother could see it, Lalia had a fiery personality that went with her red hair and matched Kili's personality perfectly. Dis had seen the looks Lalia would give Kili when he left to go on patrols or on hunts, Lalia, Dis knew, remembered Kili's first disastrous hunt on his own and Dis knew Lalia hated to see Kili hurt. It was a pity Kili had been (and to some extent was still) accident prone.

Before leaving for the quest Kili had plucked up the courage to tell Lalia his feelings and Dis was saddened because she knew it was because Kili thought there was a chance he might not come back. He had handed Lalia a flower and told her, Lalia had thrown her arms around his neck and exclaimed "finally!" she had then threatened, if he died she would bring him back to life and kill him herself many times over.

Dis leaned closer and smiled, "You'll be pleased to know that Lalia left the same time I did. So your love is on her way"

Kili smiled but then it disappeared, "But I can't even sit myself up, she is going to think I am weak"

"Kili! Lalia would _never_ think that of you. That lass would be worried to see you like this. But she would not think you weak in the negative way you are thinking!" Dis gently scolded, "Besides starting _tomorrow_ , you are allowed out of bed and Lalia will not arrive for a few months. And I think between your brother and I we will have you back up to normal strength by the time she arrives. Now get some rest, you will need your strength for tomorrow"

Kili nodded and with Dis' help he was lying flat on the bed again and gripping the necklace he drifted off to sleep. Dis remained in the chair holding his hand, soon Fili entered the chambers and smiling at Dis he climbed onto the bed and settled down beside Kili and fell asleep. Seeing her boys huddled together as they slept brought a fond smile to Dis' lips, seeing the familiar sight from when her boys were growing up. They were everything to Dis and she would fight tooth and nail for them, to keep them safe and well. Even if it was against the boys themselves, for Dis knew Kili was in for a hard time in recovering and regaining his strength. But she and Fili would be there, helping him every step of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the idea of my OC Lalia doesn't bother anyone, also I think this will turn into a series as I have had other ideas for one-shots set before and after the quest. So I will write them when I get a chance. Thanks for the reviews guys it really means a lot and Happy 2014!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After it was kindly pointed out to me that in chapter 6 that I had just stuck my OC character Lalia into the story. I realized that the comments were right and I needed to have other stories introducing Lalia thank you tweetzone86 and sillystring-roxs-the-earth. So I have written a one-shot for this series and it is called 'Just Come Back', hopefully there will be other stories in this series but I am going back to University this weekend and so I after that I won't be able to write as often.

It had been a month since Dis had arrived, Kili had made a promising start in regaining his strength but unfortunately things had taken a turn for the worst and Dis could not motivate Kili. She knew it was through a collection of reasons that halted Kili's progress. The first was Thorin's funeral and burial, the second was the lack of improvement Kili could see in himself and the third, and most important reason was the absence of Fili. Dis understood that her eldest was needed by many Dwarves to perform many duties, but those duties had caused Fili to spend less and less time with Kili. Fili hadn't come to the chamber to sleep, Dis figured he had found somewhere closer to the workforce to sleep. Dis despaired seeing Kili remain in his shell, it had been three weeks since she saw even a hint of a smile grace Kili's face, and it was pure agony seeing him lose all will to fight and regain his strength. Even the thought of the impending arrival of the caravan Lalia was a part of in five months did not make any difference, Kili just remained sitting in a chair beside the fireplace staring blankly into the flames.

Dis was sat in the chambers trying to read a book she had found, but she had not turned a page in nearly an hour. Instead her gaze was drawn to the slumped figure in the chair. She sighed, she had tried every argument she could think of to get Kili to try and lift various objects to regain the strength in his arms. But nothing worked. She also knew, though Kili had not said it (he rarely said anything at all), that he felt useless. He was confined to do exercises that were wholly related to regaining strength and thus not useful to the rebuilding of the Mountain. Dis also knew Kili missed his friends in the Company, they had all been drafted into helping the rebuilding. Even Bofur, who had come to see Kili in his spare time, had not had the time to come and see Kili as he was responsible for determining the safety of the mines and the hallways deep within the Mountain. She had told Kili all of this and Kili had commented that he understood, but Dis could see plain as day, that while Kili understood the absences of his friends and brother it did not mean that it hurt any less.

She sighed again as she looked across the room at her youngest, and could not help the tears that came to her eyes. Kili always smiled and laughed and to see him like this was heart wrenching for Dis. She knew what would help Kili, it would be for Fili to spend time with his brother, but Dis had scarcely _seen_ Fili, let alone _talk_ to him. Because of this Fili did not even know of his brother's worsening condition and Dis could not find him to tell him and she did not want to leave Kili alone for the length of time she was sure it would take to locate Fili. She sent one more saddened look in Kili's direction before she turned back to her book and not for the first time she wondered what thoughts were consuming Kili's mind. Not happy ones, she was sure of that at least.

* * *

Kili continued to stare into the flickering flames of the fire, he was aware of his mother's worried looks but could not find it in himself to assure her he was alright. He felt horrible for what his current mood would be doing to his mother, but he just did not have the energy to do or say anything.

There was no doubt that he was healing, albeit slowly, but his right hand was more or less healed he only suffered slight twinges of pain and that was fading. The arrow wound in his lower chest was taking longer to heal, but it was healing, it was just an uncomfortable throbbing pain. Nothing like the excruciating fire it used to feel like.

A part of him knew he should be doing exercises to get stronger, that way he could feel useful and help rebuild the Mountain. But another part of him, the louder part, continued to dissuade him.

_What is the point? Neither your friends nor Fili care enough to come and speak to you. To show you have not been forgotten. They don't care, only Ma does, so why should you bother to regain your strength? They don't want you around. Just fade away they won't care, probably won't even notice. Ma will be the only one, but she'll still have Fili, she won't be alone. Just let got, let it end._

"Stop!" hissed Kili, he clenched his eyes shut and covered his ears with his hands. "Just _stop it_!" he didn't know who he was talking to, but he just wanted that loud inner voice to _stop_.

"Kili is everything alright?" he turned his head slightly to see his mother looking worriedly at him.

"I'm fine Mama" responded Kili, after Dis had arrived Kili had reverted back into the old habit of calling her 'Mama', he knew some Dwarves would most likely be unimpressed by this. But he didn't care, it helped bring him some peace and comfort, and he felt he was entitled to that.

"If you are sure" said Dis, Kili only nodded and with one more look in his direction Dis then turned back to her book. Although Kili knew his mother well enough to know she wasn't really taking the words in.

 _You stupid fool, you cause your mother nothing but worry! It would be kinder for her if you just let go_.

Kili used much of his strength to hold back a sob, the inner voice had turned into his Uncle's voice. He had always feared being seen as a disappointment in his Uncle's eyes, and he knew Thorin, had he been alive, would have lectured him on his current attitude. He then remembered his Uncle's funeral, it had been the last day he had seen Fili and the Company, apart from Bofur, the toymaker had continued to see him for five days until his duties became too many.

It had been a great struggle for Kili to get to the tombs of the past Kings. Dis and Fili, along with Oin, had been sceptical about him attending. But he had point blank refused to stay in his room, even going as so far as to threaten to sneak out of the room and get to the tombs if he had to. Oin had grudgingly allowed him to attend, if only for his own safety. The whole time he had Dis and Fili either side of him with his arms over each of their shoulders. They were to act as his crutches, that was the deal, otherwise Oin threatened to have him tied to his bed. Kili had agreed, knowing without his mother's and brother's help he would not make it to the tombs, he couldn't even make the distance between the bed and his chair alone.

He remembered the curious stares that had followed him, he heard their whispers. They all wanted to get a look at the one who killed Azog. Kili also recalled how he wished they would stop staring, that on top of the bowing threatened to break him. He had tears stinging the backs of his eyes and the funeral had not even begun.

Through the service he managed to contain his tears, but he sniffled a couple of times. Through the service he was assaulted with images of Thorin fighting Azog, he was almost lost in the memories. But what had kept him grounded was Fili's arm around his shoulders and their mother's hand in his.

At the end of the service all the Dwarves left the hall, leaving the Company, Fili, Kili and Dis to their grief. Kili had hung his head imaging Thorin's glare and stern words for allowing himself to be so weak that he could not even walk unaided. As they all left, the Company had tried to raise his spirits, and he appreciated the thought, but despite Dwalin's joking words he could not but help to see the truth behind them.

" _Are you sure you're not pretending to be recovering lad? Are you sure you're not leaving all the hard work to us?"_

Everyone chuckled, knowing Dwalin was joking as they all knew Kili was not like that. But Kili came to think, while the Company and his mother would not think that of him. The other Dwarves in the Mountain might. After that, unwillingly Kili had fallen into a slight depression, he was failing not only his kin and friends, but all those Dwarves in the Mountain looking to the Line of Durin for leadership and courage. Fili was completing his role perfectly, but there he was holed up in his chambers too weak to even move.

Kili pulled himself out of his memories with gritted teeth. He snapped his eyes open and stared at the fire and gripped the arms of the chair tightly.

"Kili?" called Dis as she noticed the change in Kili's posture and mood, not knowing if it was a good change or not.

Kili ignored his mother and using the arms of the chair he pushed himself to his feet.

"Kili?!"

He wobbled a little, but soon steadied himself, using the back of the chair he moved around the chair so he was facing the bed. He shuffled his feet forward, and spread his arms in an attempt to balance himself.

"Kili!"

Too long had his dreams been plagued with the voices and images of his friends, Fili and Thorin calling him weak. Too long had he just let the weeks pass him by while he did nothing. Too long had he allowed his mother to worry herself so much so she barely slept.

He brought his right hand up to clutch the necklace Dis had passed onto him from Lalia. His friend had never given up whatever challenge faced her, and he had always done the same. Expect for this once, but this had gone on long enough. It was time for him to get up and _move_.

It felt like an age but eventually he reached the bed, he reached out and grasped the wooden bedpost. He swung himself slightly so he was facing an open-mouthed Dis.

"I did it" he whispered almost in disbelief. Dis closed her mouth and smiled softly at him as she clutched her hands together. "I did it!" he grinned.

Dis moved swiftly and was soon stood in front of him and hugged him fiercely, "Yes you did my brave Little Raven". Kili could hear the tears in her voice, but for once it did not bother him. Because they were tears of happiness.

He heard a whispered voice in his ear that he knew belonged to Thorin. Unlike the other voice that sounded like Thorin that had been cold and hateful. This voice was brimming with pride and love. And without a doubt _was_ Thorin.

 _Well done Little Raven. I knew you could defeat your inner darkness, I am so proud of you_.

Kili felt his face begin to ache from the big grin plastered across his face. Yes it was only a short distance he had walked, but it was the first steps he had taken on his own since he was wounded. He looked down to see Dis grinning up at him in return.

"Once I'm properly back on my feet, Mama. The Mountain isn't going to know what hit it" smirked Kili.

* * *

Dis leaned back and laughed. A good and proper laugh, the first in a very long time. That was such a Kili thing to say. She knew without a doubt, in time Kili would once again be the mischievous terror he had always been. And the Mountain had best be ready for him, if his past antics were anything to go by.

She looked up to see the life returning to Kili's eyes, she did not know what brought about the sudden change in Kili, but she thanked Mahal for it. She had not known what to think when she watched Kili suddenly get to his feet, she had wanted to rush forward and help him. But something had held her back. A voice, a voice that sounded just like Thorin to be exact.

_Let him be. He must do this for himself._

And Thorin had been right. Again. Dis smiled knowing that even though death may have taken her brother, he was never far away.

Throughout the rest of the day Kili continued walking between the bed and the chair, with periods of rest at Dis' insistence. And to the joy of both of them, by the end of the day Kili was able to walk from the chair, to the bed and back to the chair with no problems. What lightened Di's mood the most was the permanent grin on Kili's face, she could see the light-hearted and mischievous Dwarfling she had loved begin to shine through again.

There was one moment that dampened their spirits, and that was when Kili had turned to his left to excitedly speak to Fili. But of course Fili was not there. Before Kili could lose the positive attitude he had gained Dis encouraged him to do another small walk across the room. With Kili's spirits lifted Dis stood back and watched smiling, her smile grew every time Kili turned to her grinning.

* * *

It had been a week since Kili's first successful walk across the chambers, and he had not lost his positive attitude. He had even improved enough to walk up and down the corridor outside his chamber, of course with Dis standing watch from the doorway which was helpfully in the middle of the corridor.

Kili hadn't told Dis, but he figured she could guess, but he wanted to spend a lot of time walking the corridor in the hopes he could see Fili. But he had not seen his older brother. So somehow, he really didn't know how, he managed to convince his mother to let him walk the next two corridors on his own. Kili fully intended to keep to his promise, he knew he wasn't capable of walking any further on his own. But the second corridor joined another where he would most likely see Fili.

So this was where Kili was, he had walked the two corridors and was now leaning against the wall to rest and wait for his brother.

He only had to wait five minutes until he saw Fili. He expected to see Fili worn out from countless meetings, but instead while Fili still looked worn out, he was not coming out of a meeting but rather he had just returned from a hunt with Dwalin. Kili pushed back a little into the shadows and could only watch as Fili grinned up at Dwalin and clapped the older Dwarf on the shoulders.

"Thanks for that Dwalin, I really needed a break from all those meetings" smiled Fili,

"Anytime lad. You want to go on another hunt in three days?" offered Dwalin.

"I'd love to" replied Fili.

Kili's heart sank, and he closed his eyes as he turned his head away. Now he wished he hadn't tried to find his brother. He would have rather gone on thinking Fili was too bogged down with meetings to have any free time to come and see him, instead of knowing the truth that while this may have been the only hunt Fili had gone on, he had not come to see him before-hand. He tuned back into the conversation at the mention of his name.

Dwalin had stopped and asked Fili, "You said Kili should be moving around comfortably now, do you think he would like to come with us in three days?"

"I think he'd really like that" agreed Fili as he nodded his head.

Kili snorted, yes he would have liked to get out of the Mountain, but he was in no condition to do so. He thought he had been quiet but unfortunately Fili and Dwalin had heard him. Dwalin grinned at him, happy to see the young Dwarf up and standing.

"Kili!" greeted Fili as he stepped towards his brother but stopped when Kili took a few steps back. "Kili?"

Kili froze he didn't know what to do, he didn't want to speak to Fili right now, he eyed the rabbits Dwalin had hanging over his shoulders. "Looks like you had a successful hunt" stated Kili in a matter of fact tone.

"Yes" agreed Fili hesitantly, with his brows furrowed. Kili's tone of voice did not pass him by. "You are welcome to join us in three days"

Kili shook his head in disbelief and laughed without any real humour, "I'm afraid I won't be able to join you"

"Oh? Ma been keeping you busy?" Fili chuckled weakly, he shared a worried and confused look with Dwalin.

Kili shook his head again, "I can barely walk these past two corridors on my own"

Fili gaped at his brother, he had not realized that his brother would still be struggling to walk around five weeks after he started to regain his strength.

Kili felt himself beginning to tire even from leaning against the wall and he saw Fili was about to question him on his recovery. "Mama will be wondering where I have gotten to", before he turned around he remembered, even without the coronation Fili was still the King. So Kili to the best of his abilities dipped forward, while it was not a proper bow, Dwalin and Fili knew what it was.

Fili felt a lump in his throat, he knew things were going to change as he was King, but he was not prepared for his own brother to bow to him. They had always been equals growing up, Fili had made sure of that, but Kili's bow brought with it the sudden realization that they were no longer equals.

Kili then turned to face the corridor still leaning against the wall, he pushed off the wall but his strength had waned so much that he braced an arm on the stone wall. And he walked back to the chambers where Dis would undoubtly be waiting in the doorway. He didn't know Fili was following him until he reached the chambers, Dis was sat in the corner and went unnoticed by her sons.

Fili reached out and grasped Kili's arm, he had been concerned to see Kili leaning against the wall. "Kili! What happened? I thought you would be alright walking by now"

Kili felt his frustration and disappointment surface and merge together, "I suffered a setback"

"When? Why wasn't I told?" asked Fili, he grew annoyed that no one had come to tell him that his younger brother had suffered a setback that was so significant that it hampered Kili's recovery.

"Only Mama knew, she didn't want anyone interfering in case they only made matters worse. Of course you would know that if you had bothered to come and see us!" snapped Kili, as his eyes flashed with anger.

"Kili I've been busy with meetings-" began Fili,

"Oh yes! That's why I saw you returning from a _hunting trip_ with Dwalin! And organising another!" spat Kili as he wrenched his arm from Fili's grasp.

"We were going to ask you to join us!" defended Fili, he cringed at his answer, and he knew that was only going to infuriated Kili further. And Fili could not blame him.

" _Join you_?! I can barely walk two corridors on my own! How would I be able to go on a _hunt_?!" exploded Kili, it was not only his anger at Fili that was taking control, but also his anger at himself. He felt angry that he had not continued to improve at the rate which would have allowed him to go outside the Mountain.

"I'm sorry Kili" said Fili, he knew it was no excuse for not seeing his brother, but he really did not know how this had happened.

"Five weeks Fili" murmured Kili brokenly, " _Five weeks_. Is it too much to ask that could have come to see me and Mama for a minute or two?"

"I really am sorry Kili. I didn't mean for this to happen" replied Fili, he was concerned to see Kili wobble. Before he could do anything Dis appeared at Kili's side.

"You need to rest Kili before you overdo it" said Dis gently, Fili gaped in shock when Kili wordlessly allowed Dis to lead him over to the bed. In the past Kili would have argued, wheedled, pleaded or even begged to stay out of bed. Fili wondered how his brother had changed in five weeks, and had it really been that long since he saw his brother?

Kili seemed to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, Fili moved to the foot of the bed and watched Kili sleep. He started when he felt a hand rest on his arm, he looked down to see Dis looking up at him.

"What happened Ma?" choked Fili, as his eyes flickered from his mother to his brother.

Dis sighed and looked over at a sleeping Kili, "A week after Thorin's burial he suffered a sort of depression. I couldn't convince him to do his exercises, about the only thing he would do is eat thank Mahal. He would get up and I'd help him to his chair and he'd sit there all day just staring into the fire"

"Why didn't you send for me?" asked Fili desperately, he _hated_ that he had not been there for his brother.

"I didn't know where to find you and I didn't want to leave Kili alone. And I didn't want anyone else to sit with him in case that unsettled him and made things worse" murmured Dis. Fili nodded and then sat in the chair next to the bed. "Fili what are you doing?"

"I'm going to sit here until Kili wakes, I'm going to be there for my brother. He won't be going through the rest of his recovery alone, I'm sure Balin can handle most of the meetings" commented Fili as he relaxed into the chair.

Dis smiled and moved over to the chair Kili had been using and settled into it, she was glad that Fili had seen what Kili had been going through. She didn't blame Fili for what had happened, but her spirits were raised knowing Fili was going to stay at Kili's side. With that she knew Kili would recover faster with his brother beside him, as he always had growing up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long gap between updating chapters! Since coming back to University it was a lot more hectic than I thought it would be! I've had one critical commentary and three essays all due in one after the other and so I've spent lots of time in the library and I've still got a presentation and a write up to do before everything is done! But I am half way through my last essay and my brain won't work anymore so I decided that this story needed to be updated. Again I am so sorry! I hope this chapter makes up for the delay!

Kili slowly came back into awareness from his, thankfully, dreamless sleep. Without opening his eyes he knew someone was watching him, and for reasons he did not know. He knew that someone was Fili. He laid still and debated on what to do. A part of him knew that it wasn't completely Fili's fault that he hadn't come to see him. But another part of him reminded himself that Fili could have easily come to see him before going on his hunt with Dwalin.

Before he could think more on the matter a soft voice spoke, "I know you're awake"

Kili flinched hearing his brother's voice and slowly opened his eyes. And found himself looking up at a pair of blue eyes that were fixed upon his own brown ones. He couldn't keep his gaze locked on Fili's for more than a second before he darted his eyes away and looked around the room. He was dismayed to see his mother was not there.

"Ma went to speak to Oin about what other exercises you could do to get back to full strength. As you are doing well with walking around" said Fili in a quiet voice.

Kili felt guilty for being the reason his brother was speaking so quietly to avoid showing his unease, but Kili knew Fili just as well as he knew himself, and knew Fili was unsure on what to say. But Kili again reminded himself that he had a good reason to be mad at Fili.

He nodded and instead of looking back up at Fili, he locked his gaze on the fireplace and contented himself with watching the mesmerising, flickering flames. As he watched the fire he let his mind wander and thought of nothing and yet everything. He was jolted out of his thoughts when a hand grasped his right wrist; he snapped his eyes up to see Fili's worried expression. They said nothing and just stared at each other, just as Fili opened his mouth to say something the door to the chambers opened and Dis bustled in.

"Oh good you're awake!" she smiled as she approached the bed. "Oin says with the improvement you have made walking, Fili and I can take you up to one of the small gardens"

"I can go outside?" breathed Kili, speaking his first words since waking up. At Dis' nod his face broke out into a wide grin and he again whispered, "I can go outside". The last time he had been outside was when Gloin and Dwalin, with Fili, had carried his stretcher into the Mountain. He missed the wind on his face and in his hair and he missed the comforting feel and smell only nature could bring.

Fili rose from his chair and made to help him sit up but Kili raised a hand and bit out, "I can manage". Fili took a few steps back still with a worried look on his face. Kili ignored this and slowly sat himself up; he smiled slightly when there was no pain in his right hand. The wound he had received from the arrow did not even pain him as it once had, it was nothing more than the occasional dull ache. Soon he was standing and smiled down at his mother, this was the first time he had gone from lying in bed to standing beside the bed on his own. Dis smiled broadly back up at him in return, from the corner of his eye he could see Fili was also smiling.

The three of them then left the chamber and Kili leaned on the wall of the corridors to aid himself as he walked, he could have walked without the aid of the wall but he wanted to conserve some strength to be able to get to the garden unaided. He felt the presences of Dis and Fili almost directly behind him, ready to catch him if he stumbled. His plan was working perfectly until he reached the foot of a flight of stairs.

Kili paused and leaned against the wall more heavily as he looked up at the stairs wide eyed. Walking corridors was one thing but he had yet to climb one step, let alone a flight of stairs. Dis moved so she was standing beside him and took his right hand gently in her own, mindful of the still present bandages.

"You don't have to do this on your own Kili. Fili can help you" Dis commented gently, she knew Kili wanted to get to the garden on his own but she was more worried about Kili's health rather than his quest to manage on his own.

* * *

At the mention of his name Fili moved so he was standing between Kili and the stairs. Kili was still staring at the stairs wide eyed and Fili hated seeing the worry in Kili's eyes. He had yet to see the mischievous glint in Kili's eyes that had been present throughout Kili's whole life until after the battle had ended. Now Kili's eyes had a seriousness and blankness to them that had Fili missing the brother who would jump on his bed early in the morning until he woke up just to see a slight dusting of snow. He thought back to when Kili had woken up and stared at the fireplace, seeing Kili's blank stare he had worried that his brother was slipping back into the depression his mother had told him about.

"Ma is right Kili. You don't have to do this alone" he said, he wanted to reach out and grasp Kili's shoulder but remembering the flinch Kili had made when he had told Kili he knew he was awake. Also the way in which Kili had been avoiding any and all eye contact stilled his hand.

Kili's eyes flickered to meet their mother's and Fili's gazes briefly and then back up to the stairs. Fili watched as Kili narrowed his eyes in determination and Kili, still leaning on the wall, started to slowly climb the stairs. Dis looked worried and hovered at Kili's free side closely. Fili stayed close behind his brother, but unlike Dis, he was smiling. Just before Kili started climbing the stairs the blankness in his eyes had started to give way as Kili's determination shone through. The brother Fili loved and missed dearly was slowly returning and no matter what Kili did or said to him in the meantime could make Fili any less happy. As he knew he had greatly upset Kili and Kili dealt with things like this through firstly trying to contain his hurt and anger, denying anything was wrong by avoiding the problem (in this case Fili himself), before moving onto venting his anger on his family so no one else would see. Fili knew this routine and knew not to take anything to heart.

Halfway up the stairs Kili began to breathe harshly as he got out of breath. Dis halted Kili and told him to rest a moment. Fili saw Kili shake his head and could clearly imagine the stubborn look that graced his brother's face.

"Fili tell him he needs to rest" argued Dis, Fili almost rolled his eyes. Whenever Dis wanted Kili to do something that he stubbornly refused to do Dis always called upon Fili to get his brother to do what she wanted.

Fili moved forward so he could see both his mother's and Kili's faces. And sure enough Kili had his stubborn look on his face. Reassuring Fili further that Kili would eventually be alright.

"Leave him alone Ma, he knows his limits. He's come too far to push himself too much and risk being put on bed rest again" smiled Fili.

The grin Kili gave him assured Fili that he had said the right thing and grinned back, this was the first time that day Kili had willingly met his gaze.

Dis gaped in shock for a moment before huffing, "You are a bad example Fili! He needs to rest! If only Lalia was here! She'd get him to listen!"

" _He_ is right here!" interrupted Kili waving his free hand and gesturing at himself, "and _he_ is carrying on up the stairs so you can join _him_ if you like" Kili then promptly slowly began climbing the stairs again.

Fili laughed quietly into his hand, _there_ was the Kili he knew and loved. He had no idea that all it would take to bring back the mischievous glint in Kili's eyes was to let him climb a flight of stairs on his own. Fili looked over at his mother who looked as if she was torn from lecturing Kili on his behaviour or laughing from relief as Fili had done. It appeared the laughter won and shaking her head Dis bounded up the four stairs Kili had now climbed and remained at Kili's side once again with Fili dutifully staying one step behind Kili incase his brother had the misfortune to slip and fall back.

Soon they had reached the top of the stairs and Kili stood memorised by the garden that stood before him. Somehow it had withstood the dragon's reign of the Mountain and looked intact, if only overgrown. Fili thought it was perfect, just the type of place Kili would love. Kili wouldn't care if the garden was overgrown and wild. The garden was in such a place on the side of the Mountain that it was not overlooked, it was directly in the sunlight, there were some trees to offer shade, wild flowers were strewn all over the place and had a stream that ran through the middle. Fili knew looking at Kili's face that his brother would be spending a lot of time up here with Lalia when she arrived in a few months, as Fili knew she would also love this garden.

Kili, still breathing harshly, took a few steps forward and slowly raked his gaze across the garden. Smiling Fili tore his eyes from his brother and looked at his mother who was stood beside him.

Dis turned and smiled at him, "This was my mother's garden, and she loved it. It was all neat and tidy, not a flower out of place. But if she saw it now she would have a fit." Dis shook her head as she chuckled and imagined what her mother would say if she could see her beloved garden like this.

Fili chuckled and looked at the happy look on Kili's face, "I think it's Kili's garden now and I think _he'd_ have a fit if it was neat and tidy"

Dis shook her head laughing and had to admit Fili was right. Kili would hate it if the garden was restored to what it used to look like.

Fili turned back to his brother as Kili caught his breath and then before Dis or himself could react, Kili dashed forward at a jog and spun around laughing with his arms outstretched. Kili then suddenly slipped and fell so he was lying flat on his back. Fili and Dis paused and looked at a silent Kili worriedly. Suddenly Kili burst out laughing and contentedly watched the clouds pass by.

Fili shook his head fondly and still looking at Kili he chuckled to his mother, "Looks like he's back"

Dis hummed in agreement, "So it does. I think your brother has lulled the entire Mountain into a false sense of security"

Fili laughed loudly as he recalled all the disturbances Kili had caused growing up in the Blue Mountains, their people had hoped when he came of age the whirlwind that was Kili would grow up. That didn't happen.

"Let him bring a reign of terror, it will only last so long until his duties prevent him having so much fun. Let him have it while he can" smiled Fili, "I've just got my brother back so I don't care what anyone says".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is likely to be one or two more chapters but this story is beginning to come to an end. Thank you for all the comments and kudos they mean a lot especially to a stressed out University student like myself! :P


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter sadly enough. I wanted to thank those who have commented by sending a PM but anything non-assessment related has unfortunately been pushed out of my head so I kept forgetting to message you all. I want to thank everyone for sticking with this story, and I hope you enjoy this last chapter.

"Now if things get too much for you come back inside. Is that clear?" commented Dis as she securely fastened a cloak around Kili's shoulders.

"Yes mama, I promise" responded Kili with a nod of his head. Dis just hummed and raised an eyebrow. "I said I promise!" exclaimed Kili.

Fili snorted in amusement and when Kili's gaze rounded on him he merely shrugged, "Ma knows what you're like Kili"

Kili rolled his eyes, and bouncing on his toes he asked, almost pleaded. "Can I go now _please_?"

Dis checked her youngest over once more and deemed him ready so she nodded. Kili grinned broadly at her and gave her a fleeting hug before he was rushing out of the chambers door. Leaving Fili behind, Kili heard his brother calling for him to wait. But Kili was too excited to wait, he had been allowed to go to the wild garden as much as he wanted the past two weeks, but even that began to feel like confinement. But now he was finally allowed outside of the Mountain. As he got closer to the main gate his steps quickened, he knew he should wait for Fili but he just couldn't. He longed for the wide open spaces, no more being told where he could and couldn't go. Even though he wasn't fit enough to help with the last bits of clearing the Mountain. He could choose whether to stay in the chambers, or go to the garden or even go out of the Mountain altogether. Now he had _freedom_. And how had he _longed_ for it.

He passed dwarves who greeted him, but he did not stop to speak to them. He didn't see it but the dwarves he passed just smiled and watched the young Prince on his way. They all knew what it was like to have the first taste of freedom after being injured and could not begrudge the young dwarf this. They all had trouble in concealing their laughter at the sight of Fili, who was running after his brother looking frazzled.

Kili rounded a corner and finally the main gate was in sight and began to run faster leaving Fili further behind. Dwalin saw him coming so ordered for the gate to be opened, he laughed as Kili did not even wait for the gate to be fully opened.

Kili saw a gap in the slowly opening gate and shot through it. He ran a few paces and then came to an abrupt stop. He paused and raised his face so he was looking up at the sky; he closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh. He kept his eyes closed even when he heard Fili coming to a stop beside him slightly out of breath.

"Nice of you to join me brother" smirked Kili, he had always been a faster runner than Fili, something he had used to his advantage growing up. He didn't need his eyes open to know Fili was frowning at him.

"You should have waited Kili" Fili sternly commented. Kili also knew his brother well enough that he knew Fili would have his arms crossed.

"I'm a big dwarf, I think I can manage getting just outside of the main gate by myself" retorted Kili. He didn't wait for Fili to say anything else before he opened his eyes and darted away and began climbing over the stones, rocks and boulders that lay outside the Mountain.

" _Kili!_ " came Fili's exasperated shout.

Kili chuckled to himself as he ignored his brother and amused himself by walking the vast open space. This lasted for an hour until he came across an area of stone that had a distinct red stain across it. He stood frozen in shock as he stared down at the stain. He forced himself to look up and saw all around him similar red stains, he also realized he was stood near to where he and Thorin had fought against Azog. The place where Thorin had been mortally wounded.

He stood wide eyed and his eyes darted all over the place and his breathing quickened. He rubbed his sweaty palms across his legs. But things only got worse. His mind thrust him back into memories he had buried weeks ago. He heard the clashing of metal, the dying screams and the growling sneers of the enemy. He clenched his eyes shut in the hopes that the memories would fade away and covered his ears to block out the terrifying sounds. It didn't help, soon he was gasping for air and the emotional turmoil brought him down to his knees. He tried to fight it, but it was almost as if his legs had no strength left in them and his knees buckled. He groaned in pain when his knees connected painfully with the stone beneath him, he reached out with his hands to find something, _anything_ , to ground him.

He was startled when he felt a hand grasping his shoulder; he turned his head quickly and found himself looking up at Fili's worried face.

"Kili what's wrong?" questioned Fili, his eyes darting around for any danger that may have befallen his brother. He looked back down when Kili didn't answer, "Kili?"

Kili had turned so he was staring at the stain of blood and was beginning to get lost in the memories again. When Fili saw the blood stain and realized what was happening, he moved so he was knelt in front of Kili blocking his view of the blood stain.

"Kili? Kili look at me!" demanded Fili in a strong voice, he gently, but forcefully, shook Kili's shoulders until Kili looked up at him with wide, grief stricken eyes. "It's alright Kili"

Fili watched as Kili seemed to build up his defences and soon his eyes were blank of all emotion once again. Kili shakily rose to his feet and brushed off Fili's hands and with one more look at the stain of blood he wordlessly he turned away.

Fili was worried that he was losing his brother again so he reached out and desperately grasped Kili's arm. Kili tried to shake him loose but Fili clung on, he couldn't lose his brother, he would protect him against everything, even himself.

"Kili!" Fili held onto his brother until Kili managed to twist his arm out of Fili's grip. " _Please_ Kili! Don't shut me out again!"

Kili whirled to face Fili with an expression, for the first time, the elder could not read. "When have I ever shut you out? And you're one to talk! You left me alone for five weeks!" snapped Kili.

"You shut me out after I told you what happened to Uncle! You would just lie there and stare at nothing!" countered Fili; he saw Kili flinch and instantly wanted to take his words back. Kili was hurting and Fili had probably made it worse. "Kili I'm sor-"

Kili narrowed his eyes and snapped, " _Leave it_ Fili" and then Kili turned and strode back towards the main gate.

"Kili wait!" shouted Fili, but Kili did not stop, he did not even look back. Fili's shoulders slumped in defeat. He turned to look back at all the red stains that remained on the ground and shuddered knowing that one belonged to Kili. The thought that Kili could have died there almost brought tears to his eyes, but knowing that Kili was very much alive allowed him to keep his composure. He took a deep breath and then began following Kili.

* * *

Kili stormed into his chambers with his cloak billowing out behind him and spotted his quiver and bow; he grabbed them and then left the chambers and thundered up to the garden where Bofur had made a target for him. This was the first time he was going to use his bow since the battle and he felt a lump in his throat at the very thought of the battle. He reached the garden and was thankful that his mother wasn't there.

He put his quiver on his back and pulled out an arrow and fired. It hit the edge of the target. Nowhere near the centre, before the battle all his arrows would have been directly in the centre. Angrily he grabbed another arrow. This continued again and again until he was out of arrows. They were all scattered across the target. Not one in the centre.

Kili growled in frustration and marched forward to the target and retrieved his arrows. He took up his stance again and fired all of his arrows only to get the same result. He became angrier and angrier every time all the arrows missed the centre. His right hand and lower chest began to ache, but he ignored the slight pain and continued to fire his arrows, retrieve them and fire them again. Kili didn't know how many times this continued, but when he reached back for an arrow a hand suddenly grasped his wrist. The owner of the hand spun him around and he came face to face with Fili.

"Stop Kili" stated Fili firmly.

"I will once I hit the centre more than the rest of the target" snapped Kili,

"I've been watching you Kili, you haven't hit the centre once" observed Fili.

"Which is why I'm going to keep firing arrows until I do" glared Kili.

Fili's grip tightened and he narrowed his eyes, " _That_ will only do more harm than good"

Kili wrenched his arm from Fili's hold and hissed, "What would _you_ know of archery?"

Kili went to fire an arrow, but Fili stopped him. " _Enough_."

The youngest Durin just glared and tired again to fire his arrow, "Kili you _fool_ " sighed Fili,

"Oh that's right! Kili the fool, Kili the troublemaker, Kili the one who causes disruption! _I'm_ the perfect example of what a dwarf _shouldn't_ do aren't I?!" exploded Kili.

"That is not what I meant and you know it!" retorted Fili,

But Kili appeared not to have heard him, "I remember how Uncle originally wasn't going to let me come on the quest. I imagine there are dwarves who think I shouldn't have! I couldn't even save Uncle!"

Fili sighed internally, and that was what everything came down to. Kili still felt guilt over their Uncle's death, even almost three months after the battle. "Kili. What happened to Uncle wasn't your fault"

Kili's eyes clenched shut and he tried to turn away, but Fili engulfed him in a tight hug. He hoped and prayed that Kili would believe him, because he knew once Kili did. He would have his little brother back for good.

"But-" started Kili,

" _It wasn't your fault_ " Fili softly ordered. He felt Kili shudder and then came the quiet sound of someone trying to conceal a sob. "Let it out Kili. It wasn't your fault". He felt Kili bury his head into his shoulder and Fili gently and slowly lowered them to the ground. He tightened his arms around Kili and gently rocked him. He felt tears stinging the backs of his eyes at the sound of his brother's sobs but he didn't let his tears fall, he remained strong for his brother.

Soon Kili's tears stopped, but Fili continued to hug his brother. Slowly Kili untensed and slowly, so very slowly, almost hesitantly, Fili felt Kili's own arms wrap around his back. Fili smiled into Kili's hair, he knew everything would be alright.

* * *

Three more months had passed. Fili had not yet been crowned King, he wanted to wait until the first caravans arrived from the Blue Mountains. Which was due to be any day. The Mountain had been restored to its former glory thanks to all the hard work from the dwarves of the Iron Hills and the Company. Kili had even been able to help with the work, which had pleased him because he finally felt useful. Fili and Dis had looked on with joy as Kili began to return to being the dwarf they both remembered and loved from before the battle. He seemed to have finally left his depression behind him and could now smile and laugh freely.

The month before Kili had even walked back to where he had found the blood stains on the stone. Most had now faded, but some remained. Fili had been worried and had not wanted Kili to do this fearing another setback. But Kili had been stubborn and had even stated, "I'm going with or without you". So Fili had followed his brother incase another setback did occur. Thankfully nothing happened, Kili had grown a little unsettled, but so had Fili. Anyone would have if they had stood there, whether they had been involved in the battle or not.

Fili and Kili were up in the garden again with Kili practising with his bow and arrows. He had steadily improved, but had yet to fire all his arrows into the centre of the target.

Kili had fired all but one arrow, so far all had hit the centre. Fili was leaning against a tree watching and holding his breath as he watched Kili take a steadying breath as he reached for his last arrow.

Twang.

Thud.

Kili stared at the target in disbelief. Fili moved so he was stood beside Kili and took in where the arrow had landed. He grasped Kili's left shoulder with his hand and shook Kili grinning.

"You did it brother! All arrows in the centre!"

Kili turned grinning at Fili and whooped in excitement. They turned hearing a laugh and saw Dis watching them.

"Mama did you see?!" exclaimed Kili,

"Yes I saw" smiled Dis as she walked towards them and embraced Kili, "I had no doubt your archery skills would return. You are too much like your father for them not to"

Dis reached out and brought Fili into the embrace, "I am proud of you both, so are your father and Uncle. Never forget that". She kissed both their brows and then left leaving them to their own devices.

Kili sighed happily, "Today is a good day"

"That it is brother. That it is" agreed Fili, there was a time when he wondered if he would ever see Kili smile or laugh genuinely again. But that was a distant worry now.

They walked to the edge of the garden and looked out at the view in front of them. Kili sucked in a breath and confused Fili followed his brother's eye line, and then smiled. In the distance the caravans from the Blue Mountains could be seen making their way slowly towards the Mountain. Fili looked back to see Kili clutching the necklace made by Lalia, smiling he wrapped an arm around Kili's shoulders. Knowing Kili was waiting for a certain dwarf lass to arrive at the Mountain with the caravans.

"I would say today is the best day brother" smiled Fili, Kili smiled and nodded in agreement. Together they stood and watched the caravans, knowing that as long as they stood together they could face anything that was thrown at them.

**The End.**


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